Battle for Perspective

I was grumpy this weekend. Overwhelm, frustration or simple hunger delivered me to an unhappy place.  Deciding to separate myself for some deep breaths and a chance to find peaceful ground, I stepped into the shower to shake off the funk.  So often, the shower is exactly where wisdom falls.  Vulnerable, exposed, no distractions, that still small voice seems so much clearer.  That morning, perhaps even in that moment, a young bride was saying forever goodbye to her 38 year old husband.  Suffering, hospital-bound, he missed the birth of their daughter.  His eyes never laid gaze on her tiny hands.  A new widow finding new normal without her love.  Closing my eyes, I picture waves of love washing over her.  Sending a complete stranger love predictably refreshing my own buckets, my own annoyance now seems so insignificant.  New perspective gained, I’m able to face the world again.  Downstairs, Tim recounts the viral letter from a dying 27 year old Cancer patient. Affirmation to shake off the small stuff, yet again.  

It’s the annoying, petty, insignificant stuff that blocks the action of love, of living.  Constantly returning to distract.  For me, it’s mom guilt, body image, future worries, long to-do lists, work overwhelm, friend guilt, wife guilt, more guilt.  Get out of my way, petty, for proper perspective. 

Gratitude. Love.  Sending it, thinking it, being it, speaking it, living it, savoring it.  I want to sit protected in that place, safe from small annoyances and big griefs, but the world and insecurity happens. It seems the answer is to locate the petty, name it, squash it, then savor gratitude, receive and send love. Then repeat.  It’s a constant battle to regain perspective, a worthy battle, no doubt. A battle within which I’m likely not alone.