In the presence of a dear friend, wave after wave of good
news, hard fought goals now realized, freedom and celebration just within reach,
the inner option to spiral into despair was only a breath away. Smelling its
bitter breath and biting words: you’ll never succeed, her life is so much
better, she’s so much more organized and driven, you aren’t working as hard… the
battle required a quick pivot from desperation to inspiration. Choosing instead
to soak in the positive truths, I sought gratitude: Grateful that hard work
produced sweet rewards, grateful for children finding their way, grateful to
have such a big-hearted, creative and inspiring friend, grateful for stolen
moments to sip tea together.
The easy option to remain in neutral allowing the dark
untruths to take root, shifting to gratitude takes work. It seems whatever you
focus on builds upon itself, good or bad, I prefer good. But good isn’t
easy. Good takes work. Some days, the
only gratitude I can muster is the toothpaste on my brush… but it builds. Slowly
at first, but then… gratitude for the minty taste, clean teeth, a fresh morning
kiss, a husband that loves me, a new day, fresh possibilities, food in the
pantry, a warm breakfast tea, the perfect mug, a flitting cardinal against grey
trees, the sound of the washer, clean clothes, new adventures, a dog that takes
quick cold-day pees, warm house, electric, a functional heater, working from home, flexibility, avocado
toast, a second cup of tea with a friend. Building and building until there’s
no room for self-doubt, fear, and despair.
Despair now departed, listening with a grateful heart, newly
inspired by my rewarded friend.
Quietly
sipping and smiling, today’s battle of gratitude silently won.
