Love is Patient

There’s a huge wall hanging at my front entrance that quotes the popular wedding and funeral scripture from Corinthians 13... Love is Patient, Love is Kind.  Oftentimes, I scurry past juggling schedules, scrubbing baseball pants, coordinating events and meals. It whispers to me Be Still, so today I steady myself and let the words flow.  That scripture echoes in my mind as a list of things to achieve, attributes I wish to master…the true definitions of love.  I see it, I hear it, but I don’t often live it.  So I start at the very beginning…

Love is Patient

I don’t feel very patient. I want what I want, when I want it, often a petulant toddler, minus the tantrum.  Mostly internal, the bulk of the battle is played out in my mind and patience is the first to run thin, which is likely why it tops the list.  Patience for others ranks 7 (a small handful rank 2) while patience for self ranges 2-8 depending on the day or the minute.  Patience implies that all things will improve, hope for things not yet seen.  Patience, then, must require a knowing that someone bigger and better than me has every single detail covered and arranged. So, patience is a surrender not a strive. In moments when I require a dragon’s dose of patience, I have to surrender in equal amounts. In real or contrived crisis, I typically surrender, but quickly grab it back.  I got this, I can figure it out, work harder, take deeper breaths, use better words, get more done, research and dig deep. The grabbing and the doing only creating more flurry, even less patience.  Savoring this realization, it dawns on me that either  I question my definition of God or I question His definition of me. No doubt he sees and supports others, but for me He clearly is busy, I am insignificant, invisible.  He has a world of other issues to resolve…I can help by taking care of business.  Looping back, in order to show love as patience, I’ll require a more accurate definition of who God really is and how he sees me in order to surrender and not immediately reclaim the reigns.   

Drilling Down Deep

I’m easily distracted, equal parts deep thought and shiny objects.  There are times, though, that require a deep drilled down focus.  Tiny little moments that could easily scurry by and otherwise be lost forever. Impromptu dinner with friends, the hibachi grill flames could have easily distracted, loud conversations from other tables, the wine, my own busy brain could have very simply overlooked tiny tears from a quiet soul three seats over.  Sharing her worried heart over an unwell parent, conversations began to split and drift.  One tiny movement, a hand raised to swipe under her eyeglass…something easily overlooked or dismissed instead drilled me down and pulled me in. Deeper questions asked, conversation resumed… desiring the friend to feel heard and loved.

 Closer to home, Maya leaves for college in what will seem like a few short breaths and I’m drilling down… not wanting to loose a single fleeting moment.  Shows are paused, hearing about her day, her friends, discussions at church, sharing favorites…I’m savoring moments. The easy option would be to stay nose deep in my book or phone…attention takes effort. Always looking, always listening, asking that second, third, or fourth question.  Not surface level stuff… I want the meatier variety, stories that created smiles or tears. Yes, I know the cold has overstayed it’s welcome, but I want to hear what brings joy, the cravings of life, what inspires and scares.  Not wanting to miss a single thing, I’m drilling down deep.