Fridays have always been tough for the consistent flow of
schedule… early morning Rotary meeting means either I rise at 5 for quiet time
with the Big Guy followed by writing, but more often than not, I rise in time
to pretty up for a meeting and race out the door to gather with my
Rotarians. On a typical day, aka
not-quarantined, I’m home by 8:15 and at the shop at 9am to open at 10am. Not much time for my regular morning refueling.
I always feel like something’s missing, I’m a little off, a little lop-sided…as
if I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth or apply deodorant, but weightier than
that.
I jump right out of bed and onto the figurative treadmill…racing racing
racing all day until I’m emptier than empty.
The likely problem is that I never started it filled. All day, I was
running on my own efforts, on fumes from the day prior. Yesterday’s goodness was for yesterday… this
day has its own new mercies, own new troubles.
And the days when I don’t first fill-up, it’s nearly impossible to
complete the work planned with great efficiency…it’s not a lack of drive or
focus, it’s sheer Source. My tanks are
empty before I even start.
Today’s no
different…my brain and dna is flitting from one task to another: wipe the
counters down, spray extra disinfectant on the handles, put the dishes away,
run another load, gather the laundry, separate the laundry, why isn’t the
Roomba charging? I have to pay the bills and write, but also film a video for
the shop… I’ve been slacking on my contact with social media. Although yesterday I scrolled and scrolled
for hours as if it was my full time paid position. Atop the scrolling, I’ve been rolling like a
true vacationer having cocktails at 3, another 1 or 2 after dinner along with
an endless supply of sweets. This morning, I woke with a low level yet ever
present headache (lack of water or excess alcohol?) and what feels like black
tar between my ears and throughout my brainspace, envisioning and replaying
hilarious TikToks on my memory screen. No new and creative thoughts are bubbling
because of the muck.
So I stop, and I wait…stilling myself from the flurry.
Take a deep breath, expectantly listening for the still small voice. It’s always there, it’s me that creates the
busy distance. So I reel back in, yet
again, nestling back in with the Big Guy.
What should I do next? What’s the
next One Thing? Tim and Maya are on a
food run, Cole still asleep, the only sounds is the spin cycle and I’m faced
with bills, filming videos or writing.
Be still and listen. Sit and
write… so I obey, belly up to the kitchen counter, hands in position to write
and the words do flow.
Q day 11:
Too much of any good thing is not a good thing. Too much
TikTok, has left me feeling brain dead.
Too much wine, bloody mary and beer has left me bloated and
head-achy. Too much food at any given
moment, has left me even more fluffy and sluggish. I’m still loving the
flexibility of schedules and the new way we’ve found to connect, but I do need
some sort of schedule. Rise and read,
stretch and move, water and more water.
I’m a schedule lover and a list maker, even though I love the romantic
ideal of spontaneous doing, I do appreciate knowing what I need to complete in
any day…otherwise the sheer volume of options persuades me to do neither. So today, I sit and reassess. What needs to
be done each day? Can I make Monday and
Thursday laundry days? Can I prep some
meals so I’m not scurrying at 4 every single day? What do my customer-friends need each
day? What act of movement can I complete
each day? Feeling like I’ve been
poolside at Sandals for 10 days, it’s time to find some normal, even a new
normal would be better than this free-form vacation mode I’ve been
following.
Also, the incessant scroll of social media has left me
uncreative. Looking at what others are
doing doesn’t often inspire uniqueness in me… and this morning’s cyber meeting
with my Rotarian allies has reminded me that there is still great need in the
world and we have the platform to help.
I have the platform and the blessing to help. One fellow member sent ice-cream to maternity
wards for a sweet treat during these germ filled days. What can I do to make my
customer-friends lives a little lighter?
Snacks to First Responders? Chocolates to Therapists? There we go… now the light is flickering,
building. It took a stepping away from
social for just a hot second to make my own creative juices stir.
When I don’t start the day with a solid base and a good
refueling, running on fumes is evident to all.
I snip at hubby, I’m short fused with all, I’m more tired and more
reactive, less proactive. Add in the
mind-numbing scroll of social media, I’m doomed. I need... scratch that, I require a reboot. Only
when I’m filled to the tippy top into overflow can I aptly help another. And since my
heart craves helping so many, it's even more important to take the time to refuel,
to spill over, to gather and receive all the goodness required to complete this
day in its best possible way.
Anything else is just empty and ineffective.
