Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Nice and Cute


Those that don't know me will immediately read this as a boast post...know me better.


Coined 'nice' and 'cute' my entire life, I've been quite content to float along on those accolades. There's certainly nothing terrible about being 'nice' and 'cute'....But, this past year I've felt that more is required. Those two adjectives simply no longer satisfy. Often content to let others do the digging, consider the decisions, make a difference. Letting hours go without telling my children I love them because I'm making dinner or mindlessly busying myself. Speaking vanilla words of the weather when there's so much more to unearth. After church recently, I drifted right by a woman sitting alone, looking so very sad, drained. That still, small voice encouraged me to speak, share that million dollar smile. I didn't. Worried I'd delay the family, I continued on my path. Deciding instead, I had no time to check on her. It affected me all day long. Still does.

Walking around with such power potential, but motoring in neutral. Skating along, giving only a fraction of my full jets in every aspect of my life. Power to change lives, to speak truth, to simply share a smile, but choosing often to lay low and play it safe instead. What a terrible and overwhelming waste. Often considering what others would say at my funeral, I can imagine 'cute' and 'nice' scattered often. What I desire instead is 'life-changing', 'inspiring', 'her smile could brighten the room', 'she gave all', 'she made me feel worthy, beautiful'.

Confident there is grand potential to do such extraordinary things...tapping into that power on a daily basis is the tricky part....one that requires great renewal of the mind. So often I hear my own belittling mind chatter 'you aren't good enough', 'you aren't smart enough'...releasing is difficult. Craving chatter that is empowering and guiding over the stifling and restraining. Quieting that inner monster takes great strength. So I pray. Pray for strength, insight, wisdom. Pray for powerful words to sink soul deep for the changing of lives. Pray for sweet connections.

A year-long change has occurred...a shifting into overdrive. No longer settling into 'nice' and cute', but instead, harnessing them for greater good. Sharing a smile, attentively attuned to moments of encouragement, asking hard questions...for my family, for others. No longer satisfied to rest. No longer passing the sad woman on the bench. The creating of a happier world, first starting from within, then expanding to my family, my community. I can no longer sit idle hiding my light under a basket. So that at the end of my days, I'll hear 'well done...you used what I gave and multiplied. You never hid it from the world, instead you shared and inspired others to do the same'. Well done.
 

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

But Not Now

Very soon, I'll post glamorous photos of a most beautiful kitchen renovation.  New countertops, polished farmers sink, sparkling floors and crisp painted walls.  But not now.  Slowly, the beauty is emerging...most certainly, we are blessed.  But right now there is a storm in every direction...piles of misplaced cleaning supplies while the sink is awaiting a crucial piece, all décor removed and settled in another room (renamed Home Goods), boxes of unwanted items headed for donation.  Thin layers of dust covering every surface including my nose, eyes, and ears.  Very soon, everything will be tucked back into place.  But not now. 


Renovation has taken its toll on my soul as well...reconsidering every single utensil, bowl, dish to determine purpose.  Deep thoughts over that fifth springform pan...how many cheesecakes did I really expect to bake at once?  Paralleling it to my life...boiling it down to most important.  Proudly  saying NO this week to assisting with one more event and attending one more ladies night.  Weighing each task, event, volunteer opportunity.  Definitely including a few frivolous make-my-soul-happy items and events (keeping the purple dinosaur for its sheer smile factor and continue to schedule intentional time with friends to keep my sanity in check). 

Several days of feeling flitty, adrift, overwhelmed, taking frustration out on hubby and kiddos reminded me of the importance of keeping grounded amidst the storm.  Further inspection finding I hadn't taken the time to be still, a chance to recharge.  Instead, jumping out of bed like a sprint runner to attack the dust and piles.  Returning to my routine of sitting quietly, praying, recharging helped to reclaim proper focus. 

So, let the dust fall, the piles will be sorted shortly...but not now.