Tapping the Keys

It’s a new morning, the house still quiet. The dog is content…his head or butt likely on my pillow upstairs. With only the hum of the fridge and air conditioner, my mind quiets…not yet distracted with social feeds and cleaning. Where will my writing take me today? What new revelation will occur?  Not quite sure yet, I keep obediently tapping the keys until it emerges.

There are floors to clean, windows to wash, a vacation to pack for….all the mind numbing activities that need to be accomplished.  But do they? Or are they simply a distraction from something more important?

Often feeling overwhelmed and so easily distracted with shiny things, the list feels so long, the tasks so monumental, the needs so great, it’s much easier to stay distracted with social feeds and cleaning, thus keeping my light hidden. Getting out of my comfort zone to make real change seems frightening and where to even begin, the mountain feels beyond reach. The only resolution is one tiny step, then another…over time I’m half way there.  It's comforting to know I am not alone to climb this mountain, in reality, this mountain is not mine to climb, this battle not mine to fight.  I’m instructed to simply Be Still…not the same as Do Nothing.  So I keep tapping the keys and moving my feet in the direction and in proportion of my prayers. One step, one task, one need at a time…Obedient. 

Smiles are Free

I have changed location three times, trying to find the perfect spot along with the perfect words to describe a fresh awareness that came last week.  Words spill awkward, deleted, retyped, pages cleared for fresh thoughts. Afraid to sound selfish, self-centered, yet the words always returning to one singular point….I was humbled last week.  

With fresh awareness I realized that the simple smile, that positive outlook, one that comes so easily to me is not universal yet is enough to change the atmosphere. Often self-coined ‘blissfully naïve’, I had no idea how that simple smile brought change, lightened a load, cheered, encouraged.  Oblivious.  Surely then, I should throw that smile around like confetti, right?  Why often so difficult?  Do I now like fewer humans?  Have I become a skeptic? My ‘blissfully naïve’ turned to ‘annoyingly aware’?  It should be so easy to spread love all around… But what about those I find annoying?  What about those that have betrayed, hurt, disappointed?  Don’t they need love, too?

I’ve always clung to the ‘don’t throw your pearls before swine’ mindset…but who am I to define? Maybe she’s just having a bad day? Or perhaps her marriage is falling apart and my happy is disturbing, her past pains are too overwhelming to allow a sane relationship, her desperate need for love requiring a thick layer of lies.  I’m always unsure of the reason, but this I know.  Smiles are free.  Worst case, it’ll make the cynic wonder what I’m up to.  Best case, I’ve just made someone’s day.  It’s a win/win either way, so you’ll catch me smiling all the more! 

Letter to my 17-Year Old Self

I was my daughter’s age when this picture was taken and can remember my exact thoughts. I wished the skirt was longer, that it would hide my ‘jiggly’ legs.  Seriously?  Beauty seems so much clearer in the rear view.  Seeing this as a grand opportunity to speak truth into my own 17-year-old daughter...

 Letter to My 17-Year-Old Self:

You are absolutely beautiful.

You are made absolutely perfect.

Your beauty is so uniquely yours...OWN IT.

You have been blessed with an arsenal of gifts that are completely unique to you.

Stand tall, smile even more.

You may not be the world’s best athlete, but get out there and whoop it up.

Don’t let sabotaging thoughts hold you back from having fun.

Fear is only applicable with bears and fire.  (and maybe big spiders…and snakes). 

Don’t let fear stop you…something fabulous is right on the other side.

You are not defined by your shape, your hair, your skin, your smile. 

You are not defined by the boy…the one that does not appreciate your gift, your sparkle.

You are not defined by your grades, your friends, your family, your history, or your mistakes.

You are defined by how you treat people, so be kind always.

Don’t let anyone, not even your own cluttered mind tell you that you are unworthy.

Don’t linger too long with people that drain your happy. 

Surround yourself with positive people.

It’ll all work out, so don’t worry so much.

Every single day is a fresh chance to learn and grow.

Don’t let disappointment make you jaded or bitter.

Don’t compare yourself to others…they have their own demons.

If you don’t like something about yourself, change it.  You are not made of stone.

And most importantly, know that you are so very loved.  Let yourself be filled to the brim with love and let it filter every thought, every sight, every response, every word you release into the world and onto yourself.  Anything less is sub-par, rusty, fruitless, a noisy gong. Don't allow yourself to only see beauty in the rear view…it's been around you all along, my love.

xo

Busy Little Brain

Learning that the most successful people take time out of their day to meditate, be still,  be thankful, I thought what a easy thing to implement into my day.  It will be so simple to still my busy mind, I thought. So, for the past 6 months, at 1:30pm each day, my phone sends a sweet reminder to Be Still.  And each day, at exactly that time, my productivity peaks.  I’m on a roll, feeling super effective and there’s no way I can cease and Be Still. Instead, I hit ignore and promise to be still later.  But, perhaps in the midst of busy is best possible time, in fact, to Be Still. 

In previous attempts, like those sweet Savasana post yoga moments, my mind wanders like a kid on candy.  ‘What am I making for dinner’, ‘Am I breathing’, ‘I should check in on a friend’, ‘My back kinda hurts’, ‘Should I stop for gas’, ‘Are we out of milk’…and on it goes.  Like any new workout regimen however, it’ll take time to work that skull muscle…to retrain it to focus on nothing yet everything.  Even now, as I write this, daughter is pouring a clanking bowl of cereal and an irritating black fly sits stark against my white cabinets.  I’m already distracted. How to be still in the busy? 

What I crave is the ability to listen to that still, small voice in the midst of chaos and clutter. I seek that quiet wise suggestion to focus on the right stuff, to say the right words, to do the right thing, the same voice that typically is drowned in the busy little life I’ve created.  That wee voice seems so available when I’m quiet yet so elusive in the flurry and since the flurry will only increase, I’ll have to fight for finding Still. 

So today begins my busy brain work…at 1:30pm, regardless of productivity, I will Stop, Sit, and Be Still. Bless my busy little brain.