It's the little things...the seemingly
insignificant events that sucker punch while skipping oblivious thru
the day. On a long overdue and lengthy drive to Westminster to check
my questionable hearing, turning off the radio so I can listen to my
own head thoughts completely unexpected Mom thoughts entered. My
hearing has been a years-long issue that I've belittled and tried to
self medicate, but it's pretty obvious that hearing is still lacking.
Compensating with lip reading, but if not facing you, details are
missed. Mom was worried, I was preoccupied. Rounding the corner
into Westminster, I hear myself say how glad Mom would be that
I'm finally following thru. Then realization that I can't call her
to relieve her fears. Heaviness settles on the heart and stomach
when I remember I no longer have a Mom. That I'm the sad member of
the single parent club.
Later in the week, while shaking the
guest bed comforter over the deck to scare off any stray puppy hairs,
the sun caught the floating dust, fibers, particles and I remembered
Mom was last to lay under that comforter. Little pieces of her
floating away. It's silly, but it made me cry. Usually saved for
the safety of my inner sanctum, I felt so exposed with the air
hitting my wet lids. Would the neighbor think I'm loosing it? Will
she think I'm weak? Will it provide yet another story for the gossip
chain? Deep breath, drying eyes, task continued...stopping when
needed and not caring who saw. This grief thing is pretty universal
and if it hasn't hit your world yet, I'm thankful, but just wait.
It'll tip your cart, too.
Tomorrow, I head south with friends to
soak in the Myrtle Beach sunshine...fearful that I'll receive another
unexpected sucker punch and deflate or that I'll be an uber
buzz-kill. Packing my running shoes because they seem to help shake
off the funk. Preparing for guests, the lack of recent sunshine, and
one week into Claratin for the hearing issues has made me a zombie.
I'm ready for some vitamin D, hearty belly laughs, and perhaps a few
adult beverages.
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