Update

Wishing I had miraculous news to report, each call home brings incremental downward spirals. A few short weeks ago, she was driving, eating full meals, functioning as 'normally' as a Cancer patient can. It seems she is deteriorating each day. She needs assistance getting out of bed, visiting the ladies room, and getting dressed...simple things we all take for granted every day. It must be frustrating since her mind is determined but her body doesn't want to play along. She becomes breathless speaking on the phone so our calls are cut short. Sometimes I can't understand what she says...my hearing is terrible to begin with, but her voice is dimming, intermittent, and slurred. Our conversations are often health related so I have to consciously update her on the kids, our social calendar, but everything seems trivial. Tomorrow, she'll have a port inserted into her torso to drain fluids as needed without requiring a trip to the hospital. When her fluid baby began to grow before Thanksgiving, it required a weekly visit to drain. Now it greedily demands drainage every few days. Never relinquishing her Nurse hat, she plans on accomplishing this task herself. Of course, I'm sure she'll weigh, document, and report. Too much information? Sorry.

This morning, her blood pressure plummeted to 67/50...normal range is 120/80, so that first number is crazy low. Apparently, she didn't fight taking the ride into the office via wheelchair. Docs took her off of her blood pressure meds and gave her fluids. Seems like the equivalent of a computer reboot. Cross your fingers that it brings relief, but it seems more fluids in and more fluids out. Not surprisingly, her cancer marker numbers continue to climb. The beast must be making himself comfortable now that the chemo is no longer in the ring.

I'm told that she can no longer be left by herself. Family coverage options are slim as both siblings have toddlers. Little ones and exhausted grandma with Cancer are not an optimal combination. Wishing she could just come stay here with me, but realizing it's no longer practical because of frequent doctor visits, stairs, and the simple sheer bliss of being in her own bed. So, I restlessly pace...a caged lion. Nothing satisfies, feeling completely helpless and too far away. It's all just a wicked waiting game.