Follow Your Bliss

I adore Joanna Gaines.  I love her effortless simplicity. I love her generous nature.  I love her attention to detail.  Last night, I gained yet another aspect to love.  She has a sweet surrender to that still small voice.  They lean on God, a lot.  Big decisions, often in an unexpected direction always begin with that still small voice.

Inspired, it prompted me to consider my own path.  What is His will for me and my family?  How can I be sure I’m in the right place at the right time doing the right thing? As if on queue, that quiet voice answered,  “Follow your bliss”...where joy is, there He is.  Expertly crafted for excellent purpose, there’s an ultimate reason for my unique joy. What brings me joy isn’t necessarily the same thing that brings others joy and that variety is exactly what keeps the world spinning. What I adore, what brings me bliss, compounded with the bliss of every other obedient soul, is exactly what the world craves.   Long-lasting, eye-opening, uplifting and encouraging joy is the sort that changes the world one sweet soul at a time.  

Affirmed that I’m exactly where I should be for the moment, doing what I should be doing, I’ll continue to create space in my day to listen for that still small voice and follow my bliss.  

Petty Stuff

There are 30 homes on my sleepy street and each Halloween, we share a lil Boo.  Bags of goodies are left on the doorstep with instructions to share with others.  Paper ghosts mark the homes already ‘Boo-ed’.  Only a few short years ago, (I’m embarrassed to admit) I’d carry much pride in initiating the Boo-trend here on Tree Hollow but would carry instant angst if someone else began their own circuit…marked clearly by a different ghost.  I remember that gut kick, knee jerk, icky-ugly reaction of gall like it was last Halloween. Utterly disgusted that someone else would compete…

This week, I drove past a neighbor home this week and saw the familiar Boo ghost posted and had such JOY…I remember the kids shrieking when the doorbell rang and discovered the mystery basket dropped at our doorstep. Sweet little things. What was missing this time was the angst…no longer caring if I was the ground-breaker or not. Feeling instantly silly for ever caring. What changed?  Am I filled with more joy? Has my focus shifted to bigger and better things?  Embarrassed that I ever cared that much for something so very insignificant, I pondered, what else no longer carries angst? What other petty stuff no longer concerns me? Then, what petty stuff am I currently carrying that will seem silly in 5, 10, 15 years?  An inventory seems in order…or at least a fresh awareness of that instant gut kick, knee jerk, icky-ugly reaction that rears its head from seemingly no where at all.

What other petty stuff troubles me?

And how quickly can I purge….because JOY feels so much better. 

Praise

My previous pain gauge was childbirth. “Will this tattoo hurt? I've had two children, nothing can hurt as much as that”. My new bar has become watching a parent die...nothing can hurt as much as that. It'll be four months soon, and I can still picture her taking those final breaths...arching her head back against the top right portion of the pillow. Glad I am the only one to carry that image. Glad that it was only me...no wailing, no gnashing of teeth on her part, mine, or any other family member. But looking back, the room itself always carried a peaceful atmosphere. Those closest to me noticed I omitted obvious drama from my daily reports. It surely circled, but never landed in the room...hallway conversations, stressful briefs, worry, sadness, confusion. Her thankful mindset and the uplifting praise music set the precedent. Nothing else mattered.

Tapping into that same mindset on a daily basis is no easy task. The path of least resistance is to feel nothing...so easy to turn it all off and withdraw from every single thing. But what kind of legacy would I be manifesting? This being positive thing takes work. So, I take lead from my Mom...I play praise music. I've read that scripture is stronger than a double edged sword...able to cut thru bone and marrow. Wouldn't musical verse have the same affect? It speaks life and changes perspective...I've seen it happen with my children. Sour moods become helpful, lighter.

Regardless of my situation, regardless of my surroundings, regardless of my fickle energy level and mood, I have unlimited access to joy...anywhere, anytime. Instead of changing the situation, I change. I simply need to press play and offer up my praise...Thank you for my husband, thank you for my children, thank you for our health, thank you for our work, thank you for our church, thank you for our friends, thank you for the food we eat, thank you for our warm beds, thank you even for my dog. To that giant pile of laundry which will tie me to the washer all day long, thank you for the blessed abundance of clothing options. To the rain that so often falls in April, thank you for my beautiful green grass and emerging flowers. To the neighbor that never secures his recycling, thank you that we have healthy legs and hands to retrieve the clutter. Seemingly negative situations will never change...but my attitude towards them certainly can.

Challenge - Week Five

Finding balance between frantic busy-ness and depressed lethargy.  Last week, I was at both spectrums...sometimes both in one day. This week, I sought a happy medium.  Shifting gears to slow or speed as needed.  It would be so much easier to just stay in bed, curl up with the pup, close eyes and listen to the wind.  Motivation is low most days, but realizing things simply must get done, I make myself do it anyway. Didn't feel like making dinner, do it anyway. Didn't feel like making conversation with friends, do it anyway.  Didn't feel like cleaning or doing bills, do it anyway.  At some point, my arms were moving, words were spilling out, mind was active and I was enjoying myself. I allowed myself one tear-filled, bummer of a day and then pulled on my big-girl panties.   Until I discover my new 'normal', I will do it anyway. 

This week, I'm making happy spaces at home.  Decluttering and Spring cleaning, I find myself drifting thru rooms sorting, pulling, pitching.  Sorting Mom's stuff proved overwhelming...one that inspires selective intention with those items I surround myself with. Items without a purpose or that no longer bring joy were donated or sold.  Tim says I'm organizing as if I was dying.  Still working on that 'happy medium'. 

Quite content to stay in my jammies all day, I rallied and enjoyed dinner with friends.  It proved a grand surprise....uplifting chatter, speaking words of praise, sweet confirmations all around.  No gossip, no slander, not one negative word.  Contagious...each woman wanted to add something to sweeten the pot.  Returned home filled to the brim and craving more. 

Still working on that balance, seeking that happy medium.  When to speak, when to be quiet.  When to be still, and when to move.  Normal, everyday decisions now taking on a more elevated purpose. A constant renewing of the mind to listen for that still, small voice so that everything is done with love. Love for my family, my friends, my self. 

Challenge - Week Two

 Perfectly content to hibernate indoors, hidden away from people, quietly cleaning and organizing...Each day this week, I had to push past my comfy default to get out of the house, meet people, speak to others... a constant renewing of the mind to speak only positive, to move forward, seeking joy, spreading love. It doesn't always come naturally...but any good thing requires work. So, each day I gave myself a little pep talk...get out there, talk, listen, share, love. Moving in the right direction, until I owned it.

My week was looking pretty phenomenal until the busy days closed in and I worried I had over-booked. One event stacked after another, until the universe intervened and snow canceled most plans leaving only the most important. I savored a long lunch and shopping with a friend, played some killer ping-pong, cheered daughter's first sports banquet, comforted a mourning friend, and listened as a brave friend poured out her difficult history to a room full of young moms. I searched and found some cute furniture to tidy up a few more piles, and helped Tim paint more of the basement (relieved he decided to keep the color). Each venture filled my cup, leaving me better off than I started. Hoping that I was able to give as much as I received.

Each day was a new struggle, however. A new opportunity to choose sadness or joy, dark or light. Not depression, but close. However, a special someone  is struggling desperately with depression...finding it difficult each day to peel back the covers and place her feet on solid ground. Attempting to fill the void with food, weepy and sleepy most of the day. Your mind and body scream stay put...fight it, sweet girl. You are meant for more than this. Rise, find some small thing to be thankful for, put one foot in front of the other and live. Don't merely exist. Make connections, find something that brings you joy, breathe, pray, move. This, too, shall pass.

Silver Lining Challenge

Not being a professional on the topic of life change, I've decided to go with what I know...myself. I'll report what I've done, what changes I've made, and the results that issue forth. One thing is true...change has occurred and there's no returning to the sleepy days of coasting thru life. I'm newly aware and anything else will just appear bland. Hopefully, you'll harvest something inspirational from my findings and incorporate something new into your own life. Here's what I'll be up to:

• Spending 10 min reading the Bible and having a nice, quiet dialogue with God each morning sets the tone for my day. It weeds out the unnecessary and fills me up to the brim with a whole different level of love and peace. I'm able to share a genuine love not one that is tinny or fabricated. Only then can I properly proceed with my day. 

 

• Spending time with family...good, intentional, phones down, eye gazing, ears and hearts open quality time. Daughter has called me out on excessive phone use...our smart phones have created time and attention sucks. My plan is to set a maximum screen time for the day the rest will include old-school activities...games, books (gasp!), crafts, and outdoor activities...good old fashioned memory making.

 

• Setting aside time for friends...each week, I'll meet up with at least one friend for uninterrupted quality time. Too often I've promised friends to set a date only to have life rush forward with no time spent. I've learned that if you have the prompting to reach out to a friend, that you should always follow through. There are so many souls with fabulous stories...I aim to spread love and joy one person at a time.

 

• Completing all annoying tasks...I have an exhausting list of unfinished tasks...pictures never framed, paint never applied, rooms unfinished. One by one, they will be completed so that when I pass by, I will no longer feel guilt but joy. I am surrounding myself with things that make me (and my family) happy! If it doesn't bring joy, out it goes!

 

• No longer living vicariously thru others. I will be researching, saving for, and fulfilling our family wish / bucket list items. Children will soon be grown and no longer wish to be seen with us. Memories are itching to be made. Life is indeed too short to wait for a more perfect time.

So this is my personal challenge...I'll keep you posted on my developments! If you're feeling motivated, play along and keep me updated as well! Much love and success to you, my friend!

 

 

What Next?

Many have approached me to offer their thoughts on my writing, telling me they connected my loss with their own, many offering praise on my writing ability. Humbly, I offer my thanks, but this entire process has made me question everything. Every aspect of my life is up for inspection. Do I continue writing? Could I write as eloquently without the passion of those incredible moments? Deeper, what am I passionate about? What truly brings me joy?

I've attended many business related self-help seminars where you leave wired, ready to attack the world. Then shortly afterwards, you are exactly where you started. Sometimes even lower than you started with the added guilt of not performing up to par. This month has left me feeling like every single neuron is now sitting just barely beneath the surface. Beyond just feeling emotional, I crave more from every moment. I don't want to loose this heightened awareness. I don't want to look back in a few weeks, settled back into my routine, and see that I am exactly where I started. I want to examine every friendship. I want to be a better friend. I want to expect the same from those around me. I want to be a more present mom. I want to find what brings my family joy and shower it upon them. I want to remove those things around my home and in my life that do not bring me absolute joy. I don't want to be on my death bed and wish that I had done this life-examination sooner. I want to consider what I put in and on my body to encourage better health. Maya and I are now prime candidates for Cancer. Why not attack it before it rears it's ugly head..slowing any potential growth or prevent it in the first place? So many questions... An old friend at the funeral had recently experienced a similar loss and he mirrored my feelings of not wanting to loose this raw emotion...this heightened awareness. Do you have to experience extreme loss to feel this way? Hasn't everyone experienced some sort of loss? Could I possibly spread my Mom's kind of love among my family, my friends, my community? Would they get it? Would I appear crazy? Do I care? So many questions...where do I even begin?

Love seems as good a place as any to begin. I don't want to pick up some surface level challenge where I start paying Starbucks bills for the car behind me...it has to be more significant than that. There are so many people out there silently hurting. How do I reach them? My tea-shop gals shoot love and peace out in a radius around them like ripples in a pond. Is that enough? My mom had this gift of being able to tell when anyone needed more love. A townie gal bad-mouthed my mom, my family, and when we 'educated' her on the details instead of keeping her distance or becoming angry, she shocked us all by continuing to reach out to her. This gal was very ill, had experienced great loss, it was clearly eating her up inside and making her bitter. My mom saw through her anger and loved her still. Always checking in on her...loving her regardless of her exterior conditions. So, my questions become how do I find those silently hurting and how do I love them? And so it begins...my transformation into finding, spreading, and culminating love. Stick with me if you wish to join my revolution.