My previous pain gauge was childbirth.
“Will this tattoo hurt? I've had two children, nothing can hurt as
much as that”. My new bar has become watching a parent
die...nothing can hurt as much as that. It'll be four months soon,
and I can still picture her taking those final breaths...arching her
head back against the top right portion of the pillow. Glad I am the
only one to carry that image. Glad that it was only me...no wailing,
no gnashing of teeth on her part, mine, or any other family member.
But looking back, the room itself always carried a peaceful
atmosphere. Those closest to me noticed I omitted obvious drama from
my daily reports. It surely circled, but never landed in the
room...hallway conversations, stressful briefs, worry, sadness,
confusion. Her thankful mindset and the uplifting praise music set
the precedent. Nothing else mattered.
Tapping into that same mindset on a
daily basis is no easy task. The path of least resistance is to feel
nothing...so easy to turn it all off and withdraw from every single
thing. But what kind of legacy would I be manifesting? This being
positive thing takes work. So, I take lead from my Mom...I play
praise music. I've read that scripture is stronger than a double
edged sword...able to cut thru bone and marrow. Wouldn't musical
verse have the same affect? It speaks life and changes
perspective...I've seen it happen with my children. Sour moods
become helpful, lighter.
Regardless of my situation, regardless
of my surroundings, regardless of my fickle energy level and mood, I
have unlimited access to joy...anywhere, anytime. Instead of
changing the situation, I change. I simply need to press play and
offer up my praise...Thank you for my husband, thank you for my
children, thank you for our health, thank you for our work, thank you
for our church, thank you for our friends, thank you for the food we
eat, thank you for our warm beds, thank you even for my dog. To that
giant pile of laundry which will tie me to the washer all day long,
thank you for the blessed abundance of clothing options. To the rain
that so often falls in April, thank you for my beautiful green grass
and emerging flowers. To the neighbor that never secures his
recycling, thank you that we have healthy legs and hands to retrieve
the clutter. Seemingly negative situations will never change...but
my attitude towards them certainly can.
