Challenge - Time for Self & Others

Learning that there are close friends dealing with issues bigger than mine, shaking off the blues, I pulled up my britches, helped a friend and began volunteering at my church donation center. It felt good...like soul-satisfying kinda good. One task less for my friend to complete and an opportunity to help others in more dire straits than my own. Like everything else, though, there is balance to be found. Never wanting to be mindlessly busy. Never wanting to become the self-less martyr. Finding if I start with stillness, asking if the task is mine, I can filter out the tasks that are best left for others. Balancing helping others with making time for myself was delicate. So much of what I do, what any mother does, is for others...family, friends, church, community. I craved and sought out something solely for me this week and found it in Yoga. Setting up my mat, block, blankets, quieting my mind while waiting patiently for the teacher to instruct me. Praying hands to heart, I set my intention...instant tears. What IS my intention? Not just for that hour of Yoga, but for Life in general. Am I flitting around, untethered, from one event or crisis to another? Tabling that deep thought for another time and moving from one pose to another. Balance and I are not best friends, so all I could do was concentrate on holding still. No awareness of others in the room, not concerned that they might scoff my angles or judge my poses. The post Yoga Shavasna is my favorite part...an hour of intention towards every muscle ends with complete stillness. Pushing aside busy mind chatter of tasks, concerns, conversations, only hearing my breath. All tension melts away. Left feeling such peace and ready to filter out the unimportant from my list. Another first for me this season was hitting the ground running, literally. Tim and I went for a hearty run thru the neighborhood...my first run in over a year. It wasn't pretty. The final stretch includes a Mt. Everest climb up the hill parallel to our home. My mailbox is the finish line and I ceremoniously threw my hands up in celebration/relief while desperately gasping for air. Not a glamorous look, but it was complete and it was all for me. Deciding that my schedule needs to allow equal time for me and for others. Time to refill the tank so I can properly love.

Challenge - Week Five

Finding balance between frantic busy-ness and depressed lethargy.  Last week, I was at both spectrums...sometimes both in one day. This week, I sought a happy medium.  Shifting gears to slow or speed as needed.  It would be so much easier to just stay in bed, curl up with the pup, close eyes and listen to the wind.  Motivation is low most days, but realizing things simply must get done, I make myself do it anyway. Didn't feel like making dinner, do it anyway. Didn't feel like making conversation with friends, do it anyway.  Didn't feel like cleaning or doing bills, do it anyway.  At some point, my arms were moving, words were spilling out, mind was active and I was enjoying myself. I allowed myself one tear-filled, bummer of a day and then pulled on my big-girl panties.   Until I discover my new 'normal', I will do it anyway. 

This week, I'm making happy spaces at home.  Decluttering and Spring cleaning, I find myself drifting thru rooms sorting, pulling, pitching.  Sorting Mom's stuff proved overwhelming...one that inspires selective intention with those items I surround myself with. Items without a purpose or that no longer bring joy were donated or sold.  Tim says I'm organizing as if I was dying.  Still working on that 'happy medium'. 

Quite content to stay in my jammies all day, I rallied and enjoyed dinner with friends.  It proved a grand surprise....uplifting chatter, speaking words of praise, sweet confirmations all around.  No gossip, no slander, not one negative word.  Contagious...each woman wanted to add something to sweeten the pot.  Returned home filled to the brim and craving more. 

Still working on that balance, seeking that happy medium.  When to speak, when to be quiet.  When to be still, and when to move.  Normal, everyday decisions now taking on a more elevated purpose. A constant renewing of the mind to listen for that still, small voice so that everything is done with love. Love for my family, my friends, my self.