But Write

Rising sleepily from my comfy couch while the house is suddenly quiet, all I can hear in the space between my ears is the quiet murmur to write. It’s so cozy here and I never get the chance to nap.  Even the dog isn’t pestering me. “But write”.  I only have 30 minutes until the next chauffeur shift.  “Have you not seen that I can do big things in a small amount of time”?  Nehemiah rebuilt Jerusalem after 150 years of desolation in 52 days.  Crumbled walls, impassable entries, unprotected people, discouraged spirits all rebuilt in 52 short days. Not without effort, but with full faith that God would show up in a big way.  Ok ok, I get it.  I’m up.  But first a snack.  “Humph”, I sense.  Then a bathroom break.  I should switch the laundry over to the dryer.  “Nope. Sit”.  Ok, ok.  Here I am.  Plugged in, not sure where this spiral will take me in the 20 minutes I have, but I’m obedient.  I wait for the words to come and sure enough, here they are.  He provides.  On small scales, in big ways, consistently over the span of time.  Not often in the way we’d like, with the results we expect, or even in the timeframe we desire.  But still he appears, reminding us He’s been there all along.  Waiting for us to arise from our slumber, stop the procrastinating and participate.  How humbling that the God that created the universe wants little old, fragile, silly me.  I’ve been asleep too long, indifferent, quiet, unsure, full of excuses: I’m not smart enough, not connected enough, not well-versed, not well-read, not inspired, not thin-enough, not cute-enough, not strong, tall, or clear-voiced enough.  A lot of Nots.  Too many Nots.  Nots creating Knots.  Ouch.  I’ve been trying to do this life-thing on my own devices, in my own strength.  Silly me.  Releasing now, surrendering what little I have left, to the infinite power, wisdom, strength, and courage of someone that knows every single thing, that has seen and felt every single emotion,  that has infinite power but instead, waits for little old me to rise and shine.  

And, just as quickly as the words came, they begin to slow and finally depart in perfect time to rescue my oldest from work.  What was frustration, a rushed sense of busyness has now been replaced with calm, thoughtfulness, thankfulness...like my own personal love note.  I sense a smirk.

Global Leadership Summit 2016 Highlights

Fresh out of two days of the Global Leadership Summit, feeling like I’ve been trying to drink from a fire hydrant!  Two days of knowledge, experience, and wisdom-filled speakers all aimed at building up strong leaders.  I sat near the back, notebooks and pens all around me, without distraction and soaked it all in.  With each speaker, I mentally applied the principles to every aspect of my life…marriage, motherhood, home life, business, also gathering knowledge to pass along to Tim for application towards his own work.  My notebook is a jumbled mess, which was a good reflection of how my mind felt after so much rich knowledge.  The sediment now settled, I’m able to make sense of my notes…these are the most concentrated pieces, notes of the notes, items that spoke most heavily to my soul.  Putting this out there for myself, a solid place to find them in the chaos that may return.  How wonderful if they speak to someone else, as well. Clearly, I enjoyed some speakers better than others (T.D. Jakes - I'll be devouring all of his books, soon).  Broadcasts are global and I highly recommend anyone that is in business, wishes to be in business, works in a business, lives with other humans, or breathes the same air with other humans to attend this conference.  It's that good.

Bill Hybels – Senior Pastor Willow Creek Church, founder Global Leadership Summit

·         *  An organization is only as healthy as the top leadership wants it to be.  We have the mission to make it better

·        *   People really want to know how they are doing…it is cruel and unusual punishment to not let people on your team know how they are doing.

·        *   Leadership isn’t about time, it’s about energy.  It’s about where you focus your energy. How much energy do you put into each area of your life/ business?

·       *    Illusion of achievement: I’ll be satisfied if only I can reach this goal

·        *    Make space for love way down deep in your soul.

Alan Mulally – President and CEO Ford Motor Company, EVP with The Boeing Company

·        *   Must create a compelling vision and have relentless implementation

·        *   Work together, people first, everyone must know the vision and know their plan to get there

·        *   Henry Ford was driven to provide the opportunity to all mankind, not just those who could afford it.

Mark Schmidt – Lieutenant Colonel US Air Force Commander, 435^th Fighter Training Squadron

·        *   Stop talking about being religious, live it out. Living in a way that interacts with people in a way that inspires them and shows you care about people.

Ibukon Awosika – Chairman First Bank of Nigeria, Founder CEO The Chair Centre Group

·        *   With building furniture, you decide at the beginning what the end result will be.  You cannot start with bad processes and expect a good final result. (applies well with business, family, etc)

Melinda Gates – Co-Chair Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

·         *  All lives have equal value

·         *  World-wide, there is no difference in what we want for our children.  The only difference is our ability to give it to them.

·        *   Spiritual practices:  Take time in silence every day.  Don’t go to phone first thing in the morning.  Journal your prayers, praises, thoughts, worries. Incredibly important to have silent moments throughout the day in this busy and stressful world. 

·        *  You have to let your heart break for need, take it in and determine a way to make it better.

Jossy Chaco – Founder and President, Empart Inc.

·       *    Parable of the servant: Trusted with something, two multiplied, one buried in the sand and did nothing with his portion. Important to multiply and not hide your gift.

·        *   Trust what God has put into you…don’t worry about what others say because they haven’t seen the vision God has put into you.  Stay focused on that vision.

·       *   Opportunities are all around you…but only those that wish to multiply (only those that use their gifting) will see them. 

·         *  Be a Passionary…Find your passion and pursue it.  People will start to follow you.

·         *  Without risk, you move from pioneering to protecting. Risk is a friend, not an enemy.

·        *   We should be the most audacious leaders on this Earth because we do not have a spirit of fear.

Dr. Travis Bradberry – Author TalentSmart – Expert in Emotional Intelligence

·         *  Three Silver Bullets:

o   Get Stress under control – although a necessary emotion, it can cause degeneration and diminishes self-control

o   Clean Up Sleep Hygiene – Toxic proteins in brain can only be filtered when asleep.  No blue lights before bedtime

o   Get Caffeine under control – Don’t drink caffeine after noon.

Patrick Lencioni – Founder of The Table Group

·        *   Ideal Team Player – Humble (more interested in others and the greater good), Hungry (Strong work ethic, hate the idea of being a slacker…they get it done), Smart (emotionally smart – common sense around people, notice and adjust to other people)

Chris McChesney – Executive Franklin Covey – Author

·        *    Leaders struggle with changing behavior – we tend to blame others.

·        *    However, anytime the majority of people behave a certain way, it’s not the people, it’s the system.  Need to change the system.

·        *   Daily whirlwind activities will take up majority of time and any new goals will overwhelm.  Narrow focus to 2-3 goals in addition to daily whirlwind activities

·        *   Make sure the people around me feel like they are playing a high stakes, winnable game.  You will influence their life in amazing ways.

Erin Meyer – Professor at INSEAD

·        *    Don’t overlook bright eyes (someone eager for more information)

·         *  Cultural differences will influence how they receive your message/feedback, so keep that in account.

John C. Maxwell – Leadership expert, author and coach

·        *  Most people don’t live their life, they accept their life.

·        *   Five things John does every day:

o   Value people – Take steps to value others, are we going to spend our life connecting to people or correcting them?

o   Think of ways to add value to people – Intentional living requires upfront thinking – back-up thinking is repairing. Who am I going to see and how can I add value to their life?

o   Look for ways to add value- Keep your receptors aware…when you live in a way that is always looking, you’ll always find ways to add value. Actually add value to others – actionable, not just thinking

Bishop T.D. Jakes – Founder and Senior Pastor The Potter’s House

·       *    Life’s pursuit is to determine how much is in me – what else did God deposit?

·        *   Rip the lid off your gifts and use every single talent.

·       *   If you’re not doing something that scares you and that makes you pray more, you aren’t being challenged, you’re not growing.

·        *   Let the haters educate not distract. (eat the meat and leave the bones)

·        *   On your to-do list, you’ll always be incomplete.  The art is not to miss the same thing two days in a row (missed interacting with kids today, don’t miss it tomorrow)

·         *  God has given you more than your life shows, be fruitful, reimagine yourself.  You don’t want to die wondering what it would be like if you had just imagined and taken the chance.

Danielle Strickland – Senior officer The Salvation Army

·        *   The world is crying out for goodness, truth, fullness.

·         *  God calls us out for what we truly are, not what we feel right now.

Horst Schulze – CEO Capella Hotel Group, Founding President, The Ritz-Carlton Group

·      *    Determine your market segment so you can  give what it needs.

·      *     How to be successful:

o   Be more sufficient than your competition – produce it better (have to know what your customer wants)

o   Have to be efficient – find a way to make it cost less or determine what is really required (don't cut costs, work more efficiently)

·        *   Hospitality – the customer wants:

o   Perfect product

o   Timely service

o   That you care – this  point drives satisfaction more – they can receive a faulty product at times but will return if you made them feel worthy.

·        *   Treat your guests as if they were Jesus Christ himself.

·        *   Greeting customer when they arrive and when they leave with humility.

·        *   Hiring – select the right person for the bus.  Align them to your destination and give them purpose. Show them how it benefits them to do well.

·       *    Don’t hire for a function, hire them to make a business better – they should help grow and reach excellence.

 

Wilfredo De Jesus – Senior Pastor New Life Covenant Church

·        *   How can we integrate faith into business – in a way that lives it out, not choking them on it.

·       *    Everyone benefits when a leader gets better.

·        *   When a leader stops learning, they stop leading.

·       *    Christians are the salt and the light - not just a fluffy compliment – we are to provide flavor and light to a dark and flavorless world.

A Simple Procedure

A simple procedure to check off the list, I headed in last week for a mamo/sono combo. No worries felt, I checked in and was quickly whisked back by a charming nurse named Marie. I remember a fleeting recognition as that was my maternal grandmother's name. Such an old school name. She graciously kept conversation light during such an awkward procedure and we bonded over Eastern shore roots. No concern voiced, she carried quite a poker face. Tidied up and directed onward to the mammogram portion of the office, I changed into the next colored gown...pink. How appropriate. Trying to lift the tension with the other two waiting ladies, I joked about our lovely pink gowns. Tough crowd. Thoughts spin towards the reasons for their visit. We wait patiently for our names to be called. The nurse passes and calls, “Elliott” and I start to rise, but remember that's my maiden name. Reclaiming my position, I explain to the true Elliott that I once carried that name. Still no smile. Oh well...strange coincidence except I don't believe in coincidences.

Finally hearing “Weigard”, I follow the nurse down the hall towards our machine filled room. The nurse is distracted, chatting loudly with other nurses on our path, accidentally poking me in the neck with her gesturing hands. Let's just get on with the squish. Cold hands, awkward stance, robotic words , “Don't move, Don't breathe”. Then, “My name is Linda”. And it hits me. There in the squish machine, tears start to fall. At first from the pain, then from the realization that I had not one, not two, but THREE God sightings. It takes me a bit longer than most to pick up on things. Thank goodness He's patient with me. The nurse notices my wet face that I can't seem to wipe because I can't move and I can't breathe. Asking if I'm okay, I quietly explain that my mom died of breast cancer...still oblivious, she brushes me off explaining that her sister is a 20 year survivor and medicine has changed so much. Super. I breathlessly add, “but her name was Linda”. Another laugh...no...I slow it down for her. My Mom.  Who died of breast cancer. Her name was also Linda. And she gets it. Finally free of the machine, I seek out tissues to sop up my face. Joking that she'll have no more clients if I leave looking like a prize fighter, I try hard to gather myself together. Trying to make her feel better, instead.

Heading back to my little closet to ditch the wretched pink robe and more tissues to dab the waterworks, I throw on my sunglasses so I can walk out in disguise. Once in the safety of my car, the flood rebuilds. Thankful for the sightings, but wondering what they mean...is there a diagnosis I should fear? Praying for comfort, answers...hearing that still small voice say, “I'm here, I'm always here. I've got you”. So regardless of result, I'm good.

Update: Clean mamo, sono found 4cm ovarian cyst. Calling it simple, normal. Just waiting for it to pop and dissolve. Had to dig for the kids ruler to measure 4cm..an inch and a half. Still no worries, praying for a pop!  Grateful for sightings as a sweet reminder to always be on the lookout for more.

Hospital Visit

Some time has passed since I posted in Silver Lining... been blessed with starting a new business and balancing volunteer and family time.  I had to stop in and share a few sweet moments that made me realize how far I've come.

Volunteering at the Community Closet, I have the opportunity to meet many souls.  Some could so easily be scurried past, meek and almost invisible.  But not this one.  He is a regular (intentionally leaving his name out)...he hobbles in, confidently grabbing his personal seat pad and claiming his spot on the bench. I've loved chatting with him, creating a relationship with this 70+ year old man...listening to his Army memories, smiling as he teases his wife. Lately though, his color has faded, his breathing labored, he rocks ever so slightly in efforts to distract the pain.  Overcome with Cancer, it has taken root in his lungs.  He has taken a turn for the worse and is now in Palliative care...a word that instantly punched me in the chest with memories of Mom.  There was no doubt about visiting him...I felt the pain and worry, and did it anyway.

I drove with a friend and prayed most of the morning in preparation...asking for extra strength and the right words to offer comfort. It was he that provided comfort, instead.  He spoke of his priorities upon leaving this earth...he could not wait to see the face of Jesus.  He was ready to sit at His feet and offer praise.  Then, he was determined to see the Blessed Mother Mary.  Afterwards, he wants to see his family members.  Excited to see his grandparents that passed before he was born.  Then, and only then, he would occupy his mansion.  So confident, full of excitement.  He only teared when speaking of his wife of 54 years.  He would miss her.  We would nurture her.  We held his hand, wiping tears away, as he entertained us with tales from his youth.  We were laughing, crying, and left uplifted.  So grateful to have the opportunity to meet this soul.  Leaving, I wouldn't say goodbye... see you later, instead.

He is good stuff....salt of the earth.  He didn't have much, but he did have unlimited amounts of courage and love.  It weighed heavy to enter a hospital, passing the Chapel, hitting that elevator button, reliving that smell, those looks, seeing Morphine administered...thankful that I received that extra dose of strength I asked for because I couldn't imagine letting him pass without telling him he is so loved. 

Nice and Cute

Those that don't know me will immediately read this as a boast post...know me better.

Coined 'nice' and 'cute' my entire life, I've been quite content to float along on those accolades. There's certainly nothing terrible about being 'nice' and 'cute'....But, this past year I've felt that more is required. Those two adjectives simply no longer satisfy. Often content to let others do the digging, consider the decisions, make a difference. Letting hours go without telling my children I love them because I'm making dinner or mindlessly busying myself. Speaking vanilla words of the weather when there's so much more to unearth. After church recently, I drifted right by a woman sitting alone, looking so very sad, drained. That still, small voice encouraged me to speak, share that million dollar smile. I didn't. Worried I'd delay the family, I continued on my path. Deciding instead, I had no time to check on her. It affected me all day long. Still does.

Walking around with such power potential, but motoring in neutral. Skating along, giving only a fraction of my full jets in every aspect of my life. Power to change lives, to speak truth, to simply share a smile, but choosing often to lay low and play it safe instead. What a terrible and overwhelming waste. Often considering what others would say at my funeral, I can imagine 'cute' and 'nice' scattered often. What I desire instead is 'life-changing', 'inspiring', 'her smile could brighten the room', 'she gave all', 'she made me feel worthy, beautiful'.

Confident there is grand potential to do such extraordinary things...tapping into that power on a daily basis is the tricky part....one that requires great renewal of the mind. So often I hear my own belittling mind chatter 'you aren't good enough', 'you aren't smart enough'...releasing is difficult. Craving chatter that is empowering and guiding over the stifling and restraining. Quieting that inner monster takes great strength. So I pray. Pray for strength, insight, wisdom. Pray for powerful words to sink soul deep for the changing of lives. Pray for sweet connections.

A year-long change has occurred...a shifting into overdrive. No longer settling into 'nice' and cute', but instead, harnessing them for greater good. Sharing a smile, attentively attuned to moments of encouragement, asking hard questions...for my family, for others. No longer satisfied to rest. No longer passing the sad woman on the bench. The creating of a happier world, first starting from within, then expanding to my family, my community. I can no longer sit idle hiding my light under a basket. So that at the end of my days, I'll hear 'well done...you used what I gave and multiplied. You never hid it from the world, instead you shared and inspired others to do the same'. Well done.

 

But Not Now

Very soon, I'll post glamorous photos of a most beautiful kitchen renovation.  New countertops, polished farmers sink, sparkling floors and crisp painted walls.  But not now.  Slowly, the beauty is emerging...most certainly, we are blessed.  But right now there is a storm in every direction...piles of misplaced cleaning supplies while the sink is awaiting a crucial piece, all décor removed and settled in another room (renamed Home Goods), boxes of unwanted items headed for donation.  Thin layers of dust covering every surface including my nose, eyes, and ears.  Very soon, everything will be tucked back into place.  But not now. 


Renovation has taken its toll on my soul as well...reconsidering every single utensil, bowl, dish to determine purpose.  Deep thoughts over that fifth springform pan...how many cheesecakes did I really expect to bake at once?  Paralleling it to my life...boiling it down to most important.  Proudly  saying NO this week to assisting with one more event and attending one more ladies night.  Weighing each task, event, volunteer opportunity.  Definitely including a few frivolous make-my-soul-happy items and events (keeping the purple dinosaur for its sheer smile factor and continue to schedule intentional time with friends to keep my sanity in check). 

Several days of feeling flitty, adrift, overwhelmed, taking frustration out on hubby and kiddos reminded me of the importance of keeping grounded amidst the storm.  Further inspection finding I hadn't taken the time to be still, a chance to recharge.  Instead, jumping out of bed like a sprint runner to attack the dust and piles.  Returning to my routine of sitting quietly, praying, recharging helped to reclaim proper focus. 

So, let the dust fall, the piles will be sorted shortly...but not now. 

Mean Girl Rant

Making a date with a mom I've admired for a very long time, it didn't take long before her precious heart was bare and she shared her anxious thoughts with me. Her eldest daughter, beautiful and confident, was harassed for being a Christian. Tweeted pics circulated showing her teammates in a mocking pose with hands pressed in prayer. Same girls mocking her lacrosse goals by asking if God had done that, or if her prayer made the goal. Immediately offended, surprised...but then I recalled how simple it was to be the mean girl.

I was a high school mean girl.

 

To the majority, I was kind, innocent, joyful. But two girls received the brunt of my jealous wrath. Encouraging my entire table of senior girls to turn and glare at a stunning underclassman with a modeling career during our entire lunch period. My smiling face dissolved whenever she passed in the hallway. Another girl, transplanted into a small-country town of big trucks and cow-tipping, was mocked because of her fashion forward hair style. I suppose my pecking order felt threatened...or it was just easier to mock than to confess my own weakness. So much more difficult to authentically connect with others, understand who they are and why, appreciating their differences, and not feel internally threatened. Shameful it took 43 years to source and secure my identity. Unsure what advice to give my dear friend...this sort of bullying has endured since cave-woman days and will likely continue til end-o-times. Sad that it often doesn't end in high school.

To the harassed, this former mean girl apologizes for the current tribe. Forgive them for they know not what they do. Keep being your unique self regardless of the murmur it creates.

To the mean girls, grow secure in your self...there will always be a prettier, smarter girl. Find your self and you won't need to degrade it in others. The enlightening thing I've discovered in my years since being a mean girl is that every single one of us is uniquely broken on the inside. The most beautiful girl feels ugly. The smartest girl often has no idea how to interact with others. We're all struggling to be heard, to feel important, to find solid ground.

To the beautiful girls I harassed...I'm deeply sorry. My mean girl card now archived, but still I feel much regret for what I've done.