Letter to my 17-Year Old Self

I was my daughter’s age when this picture was taken and can remember my exact thoughts. I wished the skirt was longer, that it would hide my ‘jiggly’ legs.  Seriously?  Beauty seems so much clearer in the rear view.  Seeing this as a grand opportunity to speak truth into my own 17-year-old daughter...

 Letter to My 17-Year-Old Self:

You are absolutely beautiful.

You are made absolutely perfect.

Your beauty is so uniquely yours...OWN IT.

You have been blessed with an arsenal of gifts that are completely unique to you.

Stand tall, smile even more.

You may not be the world’s best athlete, but get out there and whoop it up.

Don’t let sabotaging thoughts hold you back from having fun.

Fear is only applicable with bears and fire.  (and maybe big spiders…and snakes). 

Don’t let fear stop you…something fabulous is right on the other side.

You are not defined by your shape, your hair, your skin, your smile. 

You are not defined by the boy…the one that does not appreciate your gift, your sparkle.

You are not defined by your grades, your friends, your family, your history, or your mistakes.

You are defined by how you treat people, so be kind always.

Don’t let anyone, not even your own cluttered mind tell you that you are unworthy.

Don’t linger too long with people that drain your happy. 

Surround yourself with positive people.

It’ll all work out, so don’t worry so much.

Every single day is a fresh chance to learn and grow.

Don’t let disappointment make you jaded or bitter.

Don’t compare yourself to others…they have their own demons.

If you don’t like something about yourself, change it.  You are not made of stone.

And most importantly, know that you are so very loved.  Let yourself be filled to the brim with love and let it filter every thought, every sight, every response, every word you release into the world and onto yourself.  Anything less is sub-par, rusty, fruitless, a noisy gong. Don't allow yourself to only see beauty in the rear view…it's been around you all along, my love.

xo

Mean Girl Rant

Making a date with a mom I've admired for a very long time, it didn't take long before her precious heart was bare and she shared her anxious thoughts with me. Her eldest daughter, beautiful and confident, was harassed for being a Christian. Tweeted pics circulated showing her teammates in a mocking pose with hands pressed in prayer. Same girls mocking her lacrosse goals by asking if God had done that, or if her prayer made the goal. Immediately offended, surprised...but then I recalled how simple it was to be the mean girl.

I was a high school mean girl.

 

To the majority, I was kind, innocent, joyful. But two girls received the brunt of my jealous wrath. Encouraging my entire table of senior girls to turn and glare at a stunning underclassman with a modeling career during our entire lunch period. My smiling face dissolved whenever she passed in the hallway. Another girl, transplanted into a small-country town of big trucks and cow-tipping, was mocked because of her fashion forward hair style. I suppose my pecking order felt threatened...or it was just easier to mock than to confess my own weakness. So much more difficult to authentically connect with others, understand who they are and why, appreciating their differences, and not feel internally threatened. Shameful it took 43 years to source and secure my identity. Unsure what advice to give my dear friend...this sort of bullying has endured since cave-woman days and will likely continue til end-o-times. Sad that it often doesn't end in high school.

To the harassed, this former mean girl apologizes for the current tribe. Forgive them for they know not what they do. Keep being your unique self regardless of the murmur it creates.

To the mean girls, grow secure in your self...there will always be a prettier, smarter girl. Find your self and you won't need to degrade it in others. The enlightening thing I've discovered in my years since being a mean girl is that every single one of us is uniquely broken on the inside. The most beautiful girl feels ugly. The smartest girl often has no idea how to interact with others. We're all struggling to be heard, to feel important, to find solid ground.

To the beautiful girls I harassed...I'm deeply sorry. My mean girl card now archived, but still I feel much regret for what I've done.

Beautiful Friend

I recently had a conversation with my daughter about friends that simply could not see their value, their beauty. Painful words or actions delivered by a 'loved one' have made them feel unworthy. Consequently, they settle for less, they can't accept compliments, make questionable choices, traveling down dark paths. It made me realize many of my adult friends share this line of thought. Perhaps even I think this way at times. I've gathered two handfuls of dear friends in one writing and believe that there are many others that share these sad self thoughts.

 

 

Sweet girl, you flutter by, never content, unable to see clearly that you are beautiful, skin to soul. This truth invisible to you. Lay down your baggage and rest. That burden was never yours to carry.  Stop your spinning, your constant search for steady ground. Trivial, unnecessary...your ever-shifting goal of approval, striving to be thinner, smarter, the perfect homemaker, the total package. Compared to whom? Compared to what? The perfect life will keep you waiting til the grave. 

 

You are worthy of more than this.

 

Our days are simply too short to strive and compare...pushing for that next goal, one less pound, the clean house, the perfect facade. Settling for toxic friends that rob your joy, dull your sparkle, drain your confidence, leaving you empty. Instead, seek joy, surround yourself with friends that love and uplift. Those that speak ill of you will fall away, thankfully bored. No longer requiring their approval, their perceived social status, their false attention.

 

Hurt from the past still so very present. Crude words spoken have altered your image.  Unspeakable actions molding your beliefs.  Unsurmountable loss creating a raw heart.  Creating a guarded, tough exterior yet fragile just beneath. So expectant of disappointment. No answer for why, only consider what you've become.  So willing to help those kindred pained spirits. Heart filled to over-flowing for others in need. Pain turned  positive...never damaged goods. You are so much better than you believe. Embrace your beauty, sweet friend. You are so beautiful, so worthy of love, joy, peace.