But Write

Rising sleepily from my comfy couch while the house is suddenly quiet, all I can hear in the space between my ears is the quiet murmur to write. It’s so cozy here and I never get the chance to nap.  Even the dog isn’t pestering me. “But write”.  I only have 30 minutes until the next chauffeur shift.  “Have you not seen that I can do big things in a small amount of time”?  Nehemiah rebuilt Jerusalem after 150 years of desolation in 52 days.  Crumbled walls, impassable entries, unprotected people, discouraged spirits all rebuilt in 52 short days. Not without effort, but with full faith that God would show up in a big way.  Ok ok, I get it.  I’m up.  But first a snack.  “Humph”, I sense.  Then a bathroom break.  I should switch the laundry over to the dryer.  “Nope. Sit”.  Ok, ok.  Here I am.  Plugged in, not sure where this spiral will take me in the 20 minutes I have, but I’m obedient.  I wait for the words to come and sure enough, here they are.  He provides.  On small scales, in big ways, consistently over the span of time.  Not often in the way we’d like, with the results we expect, or even in the timeframe we desire.  But still he appears, reminding us He’s been there all along.  Waiting for us to arise from our slumber, stop the procrastinating and participate.  How humbling that the God that created the universe wants little old, fragile, silly me.  I’ve been asleep too long, indifferent, quiet, unsure, full of excuses: I’m not smart enough, not connected enough, not well-versed, not well-read, not inspired, not thin-enough, not cute-enough, not strong, tall, or clear-voiced enough.  A lot of Nots.  Too many Nots.  Nots creating Knots.  Ouch.  I’ve been trying to do this life-thing on my own devices, in my own strength.  Silly me.  Releasing now, surrendering what little I have left, to the infinite power, wisdom, strength, and courage of someone that knows every single thing, that has seen and felt every single emotion,  that has infinite power but instead, waits for little old me to rise and shine.  

And, just as quickly as the words came, they begin to slow and finally depart in perfect time to rescue my oldest from work.  What was frustration, a rushed sense of busyness has now been replaced with calm, thoughtfulness, thankfulness...like my own personal love note.  I sense a smirk.