When thoughts swirl, I typically sit down
to write when the house is quiet and still. But everyone is home...off from Christmas break. Hubby greets me early to see how I'm
doing...dry-eyed still, grateful that he remembered, too. One year
ago today...1:45am...I shared unforgettable moments with my Mom as
she took her final breath. One year of firsts behind us...the first
Mother's Day, her first birthday, Christmas and New Years without
hearing her voice. For weeks I've pondered ways to make January 2
spectacular...donations to a local charity that supports grieving
children, donations to the Cancer society...both seemed so
impersonal. Making her favorite meal, chicken casserole with potato
chips but then I realized that was MY favorite meal she prepared on visits to Pepper Road. The releasing of memory balloons...bad for the environment. So here we are...January 2 with no stellar way to
celebrate, as I hide out in the guest bedroom and begin to settle the
spinning thoughts.
Tearfully rereading my first blog posts documenting her
fade from this world....realizing words were present tense as she was
still with us. Later posts refreshed memories of gently hummed hymns
and soft spoken words. Other entries reflect the fierce desire to hold
fast to my renewed intention of living...so afraid they would fade
with the bustle of daily life and it was all for nothing...glad to realize I am still changed,
still seeking a life of intention, surrounding myself with those that
inspire me to be a better person and fluffing my nest with things that bring
me joy. It's virtually impossible to cross paths with the phenomenal
and not leave unchanged.
Like so often when I begin to journal, stark
realization comes. Much like when the Grinch realizes that Christmas
comes without packages and
bows, the day means a little bit
more all on it's own. There's no need to fabricate activities to make January 2
spectacular...it already is. Simply remembering her, holding fast to
her beliefs, her Faith, now my own Faith, will make this January 2,
and every January 2 to follow, spectacular. I'll hug my children and
hubby a little tighter today, giving myself the grace to shed a few
tears. I'll be gentle with myself ....grateful I have a family
that is gentle with me, as well. I can't imagine a better way to remember Linda Kay Elliott.
Okay, you know I love you, so I would do this just to torment you. It's more to get you blogging again since everyone (and me) is missing your posts. So, I'd like to nominate you for a Liebster Award. (this is a good and maybe, depending on how you look at it, a bad thing, but I'm hoping you're game.) Here's the link: http://www.carawrites.com/my-life-in-paragraphs/guess-what-i-won
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