A Good Base

My name is Lisa Weigard, I attend Grace church, I have two teenagers, a husband of 20 years and a dog, Charlie. I am co-Owner of a local shop, Soulshine Boutique which offers women’s clothing and accessories  in a feel good way…meaning everything we offer is either made in the US, is fair trade or gives back in some form. We’re more than your typical apparel shop, though,  we truly aim to make women feel lovely from the inside out!  Soulshine is all about taking what’s within and making it shine upon the world.  I truly believe there’s nothing we can’t do once we have a good base. My Irish Uncle Tom used to always say, ‘Build a Good Base, Set a Good Pace’.  Now, he applied it to his drinking philosophy, but I believe it applies to so much more!  A solid foundation is much easier to build upon, a good base makes everything else flow in proper order!

This year’s MOPS theme really spoke to my soul as a woman, mom and business owner...living free, being gutsy, letting love be the loudest voice, let me say it again because they are worthy goals: living free, being gutsy, and letting love be the loudest voice.  All things I aim to live out each and every day, but it seems like work, and who has time for that ugly word, work.  We balance checkbooks, we clean dirty knees, we kiss boo-boos, we schedule play dates, we kiss our husbands, we hug our kids, we pack lunches, make dinners, we load the dishwasher, we unload the dishwasher, we hang crayola pictures, we sweep the floor, we dust and drive, smile and strive.  And if we have a spare precious moment we take a shower or apply some lipgloss.  Some days I feel like I’ve got it all together, when all the dots connect, the kids and hubby are clean, fed, and happy.  I’ve also had those days that feel like they’ll never get better, never stop spinning when absolutely nothing goes right, when it’s hard to even get out of bed much less paste a smile on your face. 

I can stand up here and tell you how to look adorable, how to organize your closet, what accessories to add to finish the look.  I can sell you an easy-everyday dress any day of the week. You’ll arrive home with your shiny new purchase, however, and may still feel incomplete… you’ll not be satisfied until we start at the beginning, strip away all the fluff, the expectations, the busy lists, and constant queue, working right down to the base.  Where’s your foundation, what’s your anchor, what’s your safe place, your touchstone? What brings you joy? Who and whose are you?

I’m not perfect.  I’m still a work in progress.  Until just a few years ago, and sometimes a few minutes ago, I was an untethered, approval-seeking, easily overwhelmed mess of a people-pleaser. I over booked my calendar, over volunteered in every church group. I surrounded myself with friends that gossiped and partied hard which ultimately made me gossip and party hard. I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror, I didn’t like who I was becoming as a mom,  I wasn’t a good friend. I was allowing the world to define me with all its comfortable definitions and expectations.  I was the opposite of free.  I was striving; I was drowning in trying to keep up with this world.  My soul ached for peace, for freedom….not knowing I already had it, I sought it instead in the world.  I sought it in fancy planners, I sought it in social media, I sought it in our finances, I sought it the never-ending and impossible effort of pleasing my entire network.  Any outcome was rusty, the thrill short lived, the after effects unfulfilling. I hit the pillow unsatisfied, disappointed, exhausted, feeling worthless, out of control, useless. I was burdened by stinking thinking. That wasn’t God’s plan for me, those expectations were either picked up or layered upon me all my myself and the world, not by God. All these things, tasks, thoughts and beliefs shouldn’t have defined me. 

Thankfully, when you are unable to see the problem or make the change yourself, God helps. He took away friends, He put that restless feeling that something just isn’t right in me to step away from all volunteer commitments and with a clean slate, I was able to see what I had become and what God had intended for me instead.

Over time, He opened my eyes to incremental truths…dropping one little seed at a time, thru this person, this bible verse, that song lyric. I AM fully loved, sought for, adored. I’m already loved, regardless of how organized my calendar is, regardless of how I look each and every day, regardless of whether I serve the healthiest meal or a round of Cherrios for dinner. I had a newfound authority to say No, really, really clearly and without feeling guilty…and no one hated me for it. With a lighter load, God revealed a core group of authentic friends and without a scrambling schedule, I was open and available to a new business venture…one where we get to encourage ladies every single day. Only when I realized I am fully loved could I truly and authentically love others.

Once that kind of truth really sinks into your core, saturates every thought, it begins to filter everything you see and say… then can you truly live that Free life.  That Free way of living that allows you to be truly Gutsy (it may mean you kindly walk away from some friend groups.  It may mean you step away from some extraneous and not-soul fulfilling church groups.  It may mean prayerful counseling with a husband.  It may mean letting go of the striving to be thinner, better, prettier, more organized, more, more, more (there’s always somebody thinner, better, prettier, and more organized).   And the crazy thing, that Be Gutsy reality is that you don’t have to work for it…it’s not one more thing to add to your long list of to-dos.  It’s the opposite of striving, it’s a true letting go, a true surrender.  It’s a truth that’s constant, a solid resting point, a secure base. It’s choosing Freedom and Faith over Fear.  From that place of Freedom can you find true rest.  The truth that you are already loved WILL BE the only constant in this ever changing world.  That solid foundation, that good base, that God thinks you are absolutely beautiful, perfectly created, destined for great things, put here for a purpose at this specific time at this specific place. Every single thing afterwards falls into it’s rightful place.

This is a beautiful group of amazing women…each with your own story, some tragic, some still unfolding, some of you are feeling overwhelmed with kiddos, unsatisfied with relationships, others of you are struggling with illness, abuse, addiction.  I don’t know where you are in your journey with God, you may not feel like you have enough Faith to surrender and be truly Gutsy, letting love go first and be the loudest voice.   You may not fully understand how He sees you quite yet.  You may not believe it or maybe you feel unworthy of that much love, power, beauty.  I’ll be your stand-in until it sinks in. I’ll hold your Faith for you until you can carry it yourself.  You are loved.  You are beautiful.  You are powerful. Take that deep exhale and release your striving, that never ending, never fulfilling pursuit of perfection.  He already sees you as perfect. 

My parting advice as a mom of teenagers, as a business owner and fellow woman, find that good base.  Rest assured, that from that good base, all other things flow. Your time, your parenting, your friendships, your self-worth, your priorities…all make sense when you know who and whose you are.  All you need is a good base.

  

Life Lessons over Guacamole

Recently, I shared guacamole with a sparkly woman I barely knew and was so blessed for it. Time stood still savoring her story…tragedy, darkness, health issues, addiction, family and relationship issues… things that often create victims instead became a launching point to build a victor.  The pivotal part of her story was finally realizing her worthiness….then the weeding began.  

One by one, she painfully plucked away all her cozy familiar vices, departed from toxic relationships, healing herself in the process. The hardest weeds seemed all too comfortable…her own personal crazy, there so long they seemed to define, deep and grounded, they weren’t easy to pull.  Beginning with a little pruning, then avoidance, but over time, realizing it only brought sadness, empathy, negativity, she gathered momentum and purged it for good. What remained was much lighter. 

She set some big, fat, hairy and scary goals and once passion was in place, the right opportunities flowed…in bucket loads.  Seems like the dark was holding her back all along, keeping her hidden, keeping her blinded. What a beautiful world she shares through her artful camera lens. 

She inspired me in many ways…to remember my worthiness, keeping a watchful eye on the weeds, the importance of passion, and finally, a sweet reminder that we all have a story…and if we sit still enough to listen, there is much to learn. 

So Much to Say

Asked to speak to a roomful of new moms, I’ve been diligently tapping away at the keys trying to gather the right words to say.  Blog writing is a hobby, a document of my own personal soul journey…words on screen, however,  seem so neutral compared to words spoken. Will I stammer, will I wander, will I disappoint, will I cry? The image of standing among 70 ladies, all eyes on me, microphone eagerly waiting to capture my words, my knees weak, hands shaking…it’s enough to shallow my breath. 

At the same time, I’m reeling…so much to say to young moms, so many things to tell them from the other side of parenthood.  Don’t worry so much, take your time, release unnecessary burdens, breathe deeply. Other words on being a woman, more unnecessary burdens, the contemplation of busy,  wasted time worrying.  The more ladies I meet, the more I realize we’re all just trying to figure it out…day by day, sometimes minute by minute, barely breathing, pasted smile, one foot moving ahead of the other. I want to tell them they aren’t alone, this world and it’s bombardment of issues can isolate us, set us apart from our tribe.  It's so unnecessary. 

So much to say in 15 minutes. So I throw them all into the pot, turn on the heat and let it simmer…reducing it down to the base, the most important, the deep roots foundation of it all.  The words spill as I obediently tap them out, hoping they speak to their soul.  Stay tuned. 

The Sweet Comfort of No

Years and years of Yeses is now revealing to me the sweet comfort of No.  If there is a task to accomplish, a seat to fill, a desperate vacancy, without much consideration, I was your girl.  Rallying the troops, encouraging and organizing was my jam. Plates were spinning wildly in every direction.  It was so easy to give, give, give then come home exhausted with nothing left in the tank for the ones that need my love the very most.

Slowly plucking away all the weeds…tasks that weren’t adding joy to my soul, that didn’t serve a purpose in the world or my life. Then deeper and more difficult, I considered what remained. Was I meant for this? Was it bringing me great joy? Just because I was good at something, it didn’t necessarily mean I was the girl for the task.  Am I committed only for the friendship, notoriety, or sheer busyness? Out it went.

What remained was The Best Yes…those core commitments that I’m meant for, those things that deserved my absolute best. Free from everything extra, now able to dedicate time and love to those things that needed it the most….the really excellent things.

What I also found in saying No was that very quickly an even more qualified person filled the position. I was holding her spot inadvertently all along. Saying No feels really, really good and surprisingly, people don’t hate me for it.  What remains is a more concentrated, more dedicated version of me….and I kinda like her.

Strength is Given

The morning duties are done…lunches packed, parting kisses delivered, dog fed and his morning bathroom visit completed, a mind clearing walk behind me and I sit, obedient to Wednesday writing.  The flurry of distraction hovers…so many other chores to complete, tasks unfinished, why the wasteful writing? Because it clears the flurry.  Too many noises in my brain, my typical response would be to rush, sloppily accomplish as many things as possible.  Instead, I find a comfy spot and breathe…calmly inhale, relax the eyes, purposefully exhale, legs melt into the floor, mentally sticky note any distractions.  Waiting patiently for the right words, guidance for today…and there she is, Wisdom graces me like a dove. 

Strength is given not in proportion to the person, but in relation to the task at hand.

Today, he gives me small amounts of strength simply because I’m not meant to move the world at this moment.  Tomorrow is a new day.  What relief. Another big exhale.

I’m no different, nothing special all on my own...there are, however, big things on my wish list: souls I want to uplift, words I want to speak, lives I wish to prosper.  It’s no surprise to the Big Guy, as He put the desire there in the first place.   He’s bringing the right people, putting me in the right situations, preparing hearts and paving the way.  In that perfect moment, He’ll give me all the strength and wisdom I need.  But for now, I inhale, I exhale, all done in perfect timing. My deep calm is interrupted by the metallic clanging of Charlie’s collar tags…then a curious, sand-paper lick.  My time is up.  Calmer than before, I sit again to write. 

Simply Sad - A Rant for Hateful Women

Some women find pure joy in the futile attempt to inflict damage and destruction on other women. I’m not surprised…just disappointed. A dear friend shared with me the whispers that her marriage was headed for divorce as told to others by her cleaning lady.  She has neither a cleaning lady nor any ounce of trouble with her marriage.  It was the crafty lie of a woman, perhaps several women.

I have zero time or tolerance for such petty, wasteful chatter.  Where do some ladies find the time to mentally craft then spread such vile untruths? Perhaps they believe their lies will give them weight or worthiness with their friends? Maybe they want to be seen as the ‘one in the know’? Perhaps they simply find joy in the attempted destruction of another woman?  My brain doesn’t work like that….so what I’ve compiled instead, is a handy list of suggestions these sorts of women could follow to fill their mind and lives with a better replacement:

1)      Get a hobby. Any hobby.  Watercolors, knitting, crocheting, adult coloring books, reading, walking, running, gardening, yoga, dog walking, quilting, weight-lifting, kite-flying, hiking, kayaking, fishing, heck, collecting rocks…anything to fill your time with something useful, something productive, something that will bring you peace and joy.

  

2)      Volunteer.  This world has need at every corner.  Find a need and fill it.  Bring food to a elderly neighbor, donate food to a local shelter, volunteer at said local food shelter on distribution day, help process clothing donations at local shelters, make copies at your church, get out of your house and out of your head and help another.  It will change you, I promise.

3)      Get some Jesus.  Fill that heart with love and light and it’ll change how you think, how you see others, how you act, walk, talk.  It’ll change everything. Maybe that’s the ultimate issue…change is scary, it may uproot your friend network, it may inspire you to change jobs, it may totally upset your cart…in the end, it’s a better alternative.

I send love to my dear friend, her tender wounds, and her growing disillusionment towards other women.  She is strong, but sad.  I package up the hateful words with a neat and tidy bow and send them directly back to her enemies with much Love and much Light. You may believe you're strong, but you are simply sad. 

The Pursuit of Pretty

Contemplating Pretty recently and it dawned on me that as much as we pursue it, it isn’t the most ideal end game.  Consider all the ‘points of pretty’:

 It fades.  Today’s pretty is not tomorrow’s pretty.  It’s an ever moving target that is never fully attainable, forever just barely out of reach. 

There will always be someone prettier. Somewhat satisfied with your hair, someone else will have prettier eyes, and another will have prettier legs, and on and on til the break of dawn. Never fully satisfied with self, another will always be better.

It’s surface level.  There are sad quantities of stunning ladies that are dark on the interior…only a matter of time before the inside matches the outside.  It’s a rare and beautiful thing to find someone equally beautiful inside and out.  

Shifting my thoughts to a better alternative, Authenticity, isn’t it a better option to simply be authentic to yourself, showing the world the true you?  But then, what if the true authentic you is a true authentic jerk?  The world surely doesn’t need another jerk any more than it needs a surface level pretty face. 

What is the ultimate and necessary end game?  I’ve come to realize in this moment that the answer is to Be Kind.  Be Kind to yourself, your tribe, your community, your world. Be Kind with your time, your thoughts, your words.  Be Kind with all who cross your path, each day and in every moment.  Give more kindness than you take.  Give more kindness than you receive (ouch…that’s a toughie). Give more kindness than you see others giving…create a new bar of kindness. 

At nearly 45 years on this Earth, I’m shifting from the Pursuit of Pretty to a Revolution of Kindness.