Bravely Step Forward

Today, I spoke words to a camera as part of a recording meant to encourage and uplift women at an upcoming retreat.  Immediately honored, the words easily spilled days in advance.  However, the day I need it most, my computer seizes.  Unable to print my speech, I head to church to meet the videographer…my inner critic loudly proclaiming that I’m no speaker, clearly no writer, completely unworthy, not to mention unorganized.  Squashing it and moving forward, deciding my written speech is not participating, my bullet notes will have to do…but when I glance at my notes, instant blur, nothing made sense.   Test anxiety pummeled me, my mind drew complete blanks. My heart pulsed through my ears. As she continued to set up the camera, I nervously babbled and alternated deep breaths.  Pulling her in the loop, I admit my nervous thoughts and press forward with winging it.  Camera poised, microphone balanced, lighting flattering, bullet notes visible...she pressed record and I exhale.  The deep desire of my heart is helping ladies feel beautiful so I pictured them on the other side of the aperture…right there, inches away.  All nervousness melted and the words spilled easily.  Roughly following the bullet notes retained my focus, but new concepts dropped in, too.  One word flowed into another, sharing lessons, tips and some heart to heart. 

At final words, air kisses sent, I hopped from my perch and signed off.  Worry gone, inner critic quiet, peace reigned. Honored to play one small part in encouraging women towards their best self, I was thankful that the words flowed and that the inner critic was squashed.  For me, it was an affirmation of continuing to bravely step forward regardless of fear. 

A Good Base

My name is Lisa Weigard, I attend Grace church, I have two teenagers, a husband of 20 years and a dog, Charlie. I am co-Owner of a local shop, Soulshine Boutique which offers women’s clothing and accessories  in a feel good way…meaning everything we offer is either made in the US, is fair trade or gives back in some form. We’re more than your typical apparel shop, though,  we truly aim to make women feel lovely from the inside out!  Soulshine is all about taking what’s within and making it shine upon the world.  I truly believe there’s nothing we can’t do once we have a good base. My Irish Uncle Tom used to always say, ‘Build a Good Base, Set a Good Pace’.  Now, he applied it to his drinking philosophy, but I believe it applies to so much more!  A solid foundation is much easier to build upon, a good base makes everything else flow in proper order!

This year’s MOPS theme really spoke to my soul as a woman, mom and business owner...living free, being gutsy, letting love be the loudest voice, let me say it again because they are worthy goals: living free, being gutsy, and letting love be the loudest voice.  All things I aim to live out each and every day, but it seems like work, and who has time for that ugly word, work.  We balance checkbooks, we clean dirty knees, we kiss boo-boos, we schedule play dates, we kiss our husbands, we hug our kids, we pack lunches, make dinners, we load the dishwasher, we unload the dishwasher, we hang crayola pictures, we sweep the floor, we dust and drive, smile and strive.  And if we have a spare precious moment we take a shower or apply some lipgloss.  Some days I feel like I’ve got it all together, when all the dots connect, the kids and hubby are clean, fed, and happy.  I’ve also had those days that feel like they’ll never get better, never stop spinning when absolutely nothing goes right, when it’s hard to even get out of bed much less paste a smile on your face. 

I can stand up here and tell you how to look adorable, how to organize your closet, what accessories to add to finish the look.  I can sell you an easy-everyday dress any day of the week. You’ll arrive home with your shiny new purchase, however, and may still feel incomplete… you’ll not be satisfied until we start at the beginning, strip away all the fluff, the expectations, the busy lists, and constant queue, working right down to the base.  Where’s your foundation, what’s your anchor, what’s your safe place, your touchstone? What brings you joy? Who and whose are you?

I’m not perfect.  I’m still a work in progress.  Until just a few years ago, and sometimes a few minutes ago, I was an untethered, approval-seeking, easily overwhelmed mess of a people-pleaser. I over booked my calendar, over volunteered in every church group. I surrounded myself with friends that gossiped and partied hard which ultimately made me gossip and party hard. I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror, I didn’t like who I was becoming as a mom,  I wasn’t a good friend. I was allowing the world to define me with all its comfortable definitions and expectations.  I was the opposite of free.  I was striving; I was drowning in trying to keep up with this world.  My soul ached for peace, for freedom….not knowing I already had it, I sought it instead in the world.  I sought it in fancy planners, I sought it in social media, I sought it in our finances, I sought it the never-ending and impossible effort of pleasing my entire network.  Any outcome was rusty, the thrill short lived, the after effects unfulfilling. I hit the pillow unsatisfied, disappointed, exhausted, feeling worthless, out of control, useless. I was burdened by stinking thinking. That wasn’t God’s plan for me, those expectations were either picked up or layered upon me all my myself and the world, not by God. All these things, tasks, thoughts and beliefs shouldn’t have defined me. 

Thankfully, when you are unable to see the problem or make the change yourself, God helps. He took away friends, He put that restless feeling that something just isn’t right in me to step away from all volunteer commitments and with a clean slate, I was able to see what I had become and what God had intended for me instead.

Over time, He opened my eyes to incremental truths…dropping one little seed at a time, thru this person, this bible verse, that song lyric. I AM fully loved, sought for, adored. I’m already loved, regardless of how organized my calendar is, regardless of how I look each and every day, regardless of whether I serve the healthiest meal or a round of Cherrios for dinner. I had a newfound authority to say No, really, really clearly and without feeling guilty…and no one hated me for it. With a lighter load, God revealed a core group of authentic friends and without a scrambling schedule, I was open and available to a new business venture…one where we get to encourage ladies every single day. Only when I realized I am fully loved could I truly and authentically love others.

Once that kind of truth really sinks into your core, saturates every thought, it begins to filter everything you see and say… then can you truly live that Free life.  That Free way of living that allows you to be truly Gutsy (it may mean you kindly walk away from some friend groups.  It may mean you step away from some extraneous and not-soul fulfilling church groups.  It may mean prayerful counseling with a husband.  It may mean letting go of the striving to be thinner, better, prettier, more organized, more, more, more (there’s always somebody thinner, better, prettier, and more organized).   And the crazy thing, that Be Gutsy reality is that you don’t have to work for it…it’s not one more thing to add to your long list of to-dos.  It’s the opposite of striving, it’s a true letting go, a true surrender.  It’s a truth that’s constant, a solid resting point, a secure base. It’s choosing Freedom and Faith over Fear.  From that place of Freedom can you find true rest.  The truth that you are already loved WILL BE the only constant in this ever changing world.  That solid foundation, that good base, that God thinks you are absolutely beautiful, perfectly created, destined for great things, put here for a purpose at this specific time at this specific place. Every single thing afterwards falls into it’s rightful place.

This is a beautiful group of amazing women…each with your own story, some tragic, some still unfolding, some of you are feeling overwhelmed with kiddos, unsatisfied with relationships, others of you are struggling with illness, abuse, addiction.  I don’t know where you are in your journey with God, you may not feel like you have enough Faith to surrender and be truly Gutsy, letting love go first and be the loudest voice.   You may not fully understand how He sees you quite yet.  You may not believe it or maybe you feel unworthy of that much love, power, beauty.  I’ll be your stand-in until it sinks in. I’ll hold your Faith for you until you can carry it yourself.  You are loved.  You are beautiful.  You are powerful. Take that deep exhale and release your striving, that never ending, never fulfilling pursuit of perfection.  He already sees you as perfect. 

My parting advice as a mom of teenagers, as a business owner and fellow woman, find that good base.  Rest assured, that from that good base, all other things flow. Your time, your parenting, your friendships, your self-worth, your priorities…all make sense when you know who and whose you are.  All you need is a good base.

  

So Much to Say

Asked to speak to a roomful of new moms, I’ve been diligently tapping away at the keys trying to gather the right words to say.  Blog writing is a hobby, a document of my own personal soul journey…words on screen, however,  seem so neutral compared to words spoken. Will I stammer, will I wander, will I disappoint, will I cry? The image of standing among 70 ladies, all eyes on me, microphone eagerly waiting to capture my words, my knees weak, hands shaking…it’s enough to shallow my breath. 

At the same time, I’m reeling…so much to say to young moms, so many things to tell them from the other side of parenthood.  Don’t worry so much, take your time, release unnecessary burdens, breathe deeply. Other words on being a woman, more unnecessary burdens, the contemplation of busy,  wasted time worrying.  The more ladies I meet, the more I realize we’re all just trying to figure it out…day by day, sometimes minute by minute, barely breathing, pasted smile, one foot moving ahead of the other. I want to tell them they aren’t alone, this world and it’s bombardment of issues can isolate us, set us apart from our tribe.  It's so unnecessary. 

So much to say in 15 minutes. So I throw them all into the pot, turn on the heat and let it simmer…reducing it down to the base, the most important, the deep roots foundation of it all.  The words spill as I obediently tap them out, hoping they speak to their soul.  Stay tuned.