Simply Sad - A Rant for Hateful Women

Some women find pure joy in the futile attempt to inflict damage and destruction on other women. I’m not surprised…just disappointed. A dear friend shared with me the whispers that her marriage was headed for divorce as told to others by her cleaning lady.  She has neither a cleaning lady nor any ounce of trouble with her marriage.  It was the crafty lie of a woman, perhaps several women.

I have zero time or tolerance for such petty, wasteful chatter.  Where do some ladies find the time to mentally craft then spread such vile untruths? Perhaps they believe their lies will give them weight or worthiness with their friends? Maybe they want to be seen as the ‘one in the know’? Perhaps they simply find joy in the attempted destruction of another woman?  My brain doesn’t work like that….so what I’ve compiled instead, is a handy list of suggestions these sorts of women could follow to fill their mind and lives with a better replacement:

1)      Get a hobby. Any hobby.  Watercolors, knitting, crocheting, adult coloring books, reading, walking, running, gardening, yoga, dog walking, quilting, weight-lifting, kite-flying, hiking, kayaking, fishing, heck, collecting rocks…anything to fill your time with something useful, something productive, something that will bring you peace and joy.

  

2)      Volunteer.  This world has need at every corner.  Find a need and fill it.  Bring food to a elderly neighbor, donate food to a local shelter, volunteer at said local food shelter on distribution day, help process clothing donations at local shelters, make copies at your church, get out of your house and out of your head and help another.  It will change you, I promise.

3)      Get some Jesus.  Fill that heart with love and light and it’ll change how you think, how you see others, how you act, walk, talk.  It’ll change everything. Maybe that’s the ultimate issue…change is scary, it may uproot your friend network, it may inspire you to change jobs, it may totally upset your cart…in the end, it’s a better alternative.

I send love to my dear friend, her tender wounds, and her growing disillusionment towards other women.  She is strong, but sad.  I package up the hateful words with a neat and tidy bow and send them directly back to her enemies with much Love and much Light. You may believe you're strong, but you are simply sad. 

The Pursuit of Pretty

Contemplating Pretty recently and it dawned on me that as much as we pursue it, it isn’t the most ideal end game.  Consider all the ‘points of pretty’:

 It fades.  Today’s pretty is not tomorrow’s pretty.  It’s an ever moving target that is never fully attainable, forever just barely out of reach. 

There will always be someone prettier. Somewhat satisfied with your hair, someone else will have prettier eyes, and another will have prettier legs, and on and on til the break of dawn. Never fully satisfied with self, another will always be better.

It’s surface level.  There are sad quantities of stunning ladies that are dark on the interior…only a matter of time before the inside matches the outside.  It’s a rare and beautiful thing to find someone equally beautiful inside and out.  

Shifting my thoughts to a better alternative, Authenticity, isn’t it a better option to simply be authentic to yourself, showing the world the true you?  But then, what if the true authentic you is a true authentic jerk?  The world surely doesn’t need another jerk any more than it needs a surface level pretty face. 

What is the ultimate and necessary end game?  I’ve come to realize in this moment that the answer is to Be Kind.  Be Kind to yourself, your tribe, your community, your world. Be Kind with your time, your thoughts, your words.  Be Kind with all who cross your path, each day and in every moment.  Give more kindness than you take.  Give more kindness than you receive (ouch…that’s a toughie). Give more kindness than you see others giving…create a new bar of kindness. 

At nearly 45 years on this Earth, I’m shifting from the Pursuit of Pretty to a Revolution of Kindness. 

Tapping the Keys

It’s a new morning, the house still quiet. The dog is content…his head or butt likely on my pillow upstairs. With only the hum of the fridge and air conditioner, my mind quiets…not yet distracted with social feeds and cleaning. Where will my writing take me today? What new revelation will occur?  Not quite sure yet, I keep obediently tapping the keys until it emerges.

There are floors to clean, windows to wash, a vacation to pack for….all the mind numbing activities that need to be accomplished.  But do they? Or are they simply a distraction from something more important?

Often feeling overwhelmed and so easily distracted with shiny things, the list feels so long, the tasks so monumental, the needs so great, it’s much easier to stay distracted with social feeds and cleaning, thus keeping my light hidden. Getting out of my comfort zone to make real change seems frightening and where to even begin, the mountain feels beyond reach. The only resolution is one tiny step, then another…over time I’m half way there.  It's comforting to know I am not alone to climb this mountain, in reality, this mountain is not mine to climb, this battle not mine to fight.  I’m instructed to simply Be Still…not the same as Do Nothing.  So I keep tapping the keys and moving my feet in the direction and in proportion of my prayers. One step, one task, one need at a time…Obedient. 

Smiles are Free

I have changed location three times, trying to find the perfect spot along with the perfect words to describe a fresh awareness that came last week.  Words spill awkward, deleted, retyped, pages cleared for fresh thoughts. Afraid to sound selfish, self-centered, yet the words always returning to one singular point….I was humbled last week.  

With fresh awareness I realized that the simple smile, that positive outlook, one that comes so easily to me is not universal yet is enough to change the atmosphere. Often self-coined ‘blissfully naïve’, I had no idea how that simple smile brought change, lightened a load, cheered, encouraged.  Oblivious.  Surely then, I should throw that smile around like confetti, right?  Why often so difficult?  Do I now like fewer humans?  Have I become a skeptic? My ‘blissfully naïve’ turned to ‘annoyingly aware’?  It should be so easy to spread love all around… But what about those I find annoying?  What about those that have betrayed, hurt, disappointed?  Don’t they need love, too?

I’ve always clung to the ‘don’t throw your pearls before swine’ mindset…but who am I to define? Maybe she’s just having a bad day? Or perhaps her marriage is falling apart and my happy is disturbing, her past pains are too overwhelming to allow a sane relationship, her desperate need for love requiring a thick layer of lies.  I’m always unsure of the reason, but this I know.  Smiles are free.  Worst case, it’ll make the cynic wonder what I’m up to.  Best case, I’ve just made someone’s day.  It’s a win/win either way, so you’ll catch me smiling all the more! 

Letter to my 17-Year Old Self

I was my daughter’s age when this picture was taken and can remember my exact thoughts. I wished the skirt was longer, that it would hide my ‘jiggly’ legs.  Seriously?  Beauty seems so much clearer in the rear view.  Seeing this as a grand opportunity to speak truth into my own 17-year-old daughter...

 Letter to My 17-Year-Old Self:

You are absolutely beautiful.

You are made absolutely perfect.

Your beauty is so uniquely yours...OWN IT.

You have been blessed with an arsenal of gifts that are completely unique to you.

Stand tall, smile even more.

You may not be the world’s best athlete, but get out there and whoop it up.

Don’t let sabotaging thoughts hold you back from having fun.

Fear is only applicable with bears and fire.  (and maybe big spiders…and snakes). 

Don’t let fear stop you…something fabulous is right on the other side.

You are not defined by your shape, your hair, your skin, your smile. 

You are not defined by the boy…the one that does not appreciate your gift, your sparkle.

You are not defined by your grades, your friends, your family, your history, or your mistakes.

You are defined by how you treat people, so be kind always.

Don’t let anyone, not even your own cluttered mind tell you that you are unworthy.

Don’t linger too long with people that drain your happy. 

Surround yourself with positive people.

It’ll all work out, so don’t worry so much.

Every single day is a fresh chance to learn and grow.

Don’t let disappointment make you jaded or bitter.

Don’t compare yourself to others…they have their own demons.

If you don’t like something about yourself, change it.  You are not made of stone.

And most importantly, know that you are so very loved.  Let yourself be filled to the brim with love and let it filter every thought, every sight, every response, every word you release into the world and onto yourself.  Anything less is sub-par, rusty, fruitless, a noisy gong. Don't allow yourself to only see beauty in the rear view…it's been around you all along, my love.

xo

Busy Little Brain

Learning that the most successful people take time out of their day to meditate, be still,  be thankful, I thought what a easy thing to implement into my day.  It will be so simple to still my busy mind, I thought. So, for the past 6 months, at 1:30pm each day, my phone sends a sweet reminder to Be Still.  And each day, at exactly that time, my productivity peaks.  I’m on a roll, feeling super effective and there’s no way I can cease and Be Still. Instead, I hit ignore and promise to be still later.  But, perhaps in the midst of busy is best possible time, in fact, to Be Still. 

In previous attempts, like those sweet Savasana post yoga moments, my mind wanders like a kid on candy.  ‘What am I making for dinner’, ‘Am I breathing’, ‘I should check in on a friend’, ‘My back kinda hurts’, ‘Should I stop for gas’, ‘Are we out of milk’…and on it goes.  Like any new workout regimen however, it’ll take time to work that skull muscle…to retrain it to focus on nothing yet everything.  Even now, as I write this, daughter is pouring a clanking bowl of cereal and an irritating black fly sits stark against my white cabinets.  I’m already distracted. How to be still in the busy? 

What I crave is the ability to listen to that still, small voice in the midst of chaos and clutter. I seek that quiet wise suggestion to focus on the right stuff, to say the right words, to do the right thing, the same voice that typically is drowned in the busy little life I’ve created.  That wee voice seems so available when I’m quiet yet so elusive in the flurry and since the flurry will only increase, I’ll have to fight for finding Still. 

So today begins my busy brain work…at 1:30pm, regardless of productivity, I will Stop, Sit, and Be Still. Bless my busy little brain. 

The Next Terrible Thing

The past few weeks have brought equal amounts of joy and pain. It seems the more good I accomplish in the world, the more no-good-awful-terrible things tend to happen.  One marvelous thing followed by five terrible things made for a very discouraged soul creating very lethargic mornings…easier to stay under the covers than face the next terrible thing.

But what if the blessing is right behind the bad? What if I miss it? I swing one leg out of the bed, then the other. One step then another, peering around corners expecting the next terrible thing. Not normal behavior for an optimist, a bona-fide sparkle girl. Never before have I experienced such a long series of yuck, but never before have I been more transparent.  Never before have I been so absolutely visible.  Typically in a little bubble, hidden from most of the world, now I am consistently making myself seen, pushing out happiness and love onto anyone that will listen. Clearly, I’m onto something good, something important. It would be so much easier to stay under the covers, but instead, I keep moving forward, keep pushing love out into the world…onto my family, my friends, my customers. Today begins a new week…one with new blessings, new trials…bring it.