Forgiveness

My deepest thoughts gather in the early morn...the house is quiet, the dog content, as I brush my teeth and hair.  Pondering how a fairly joy-filled day can be completely undone by the presence of select humans that grate my ever-loving soul. Small in number, but one powerful effect. Trying my best to avoid them, yet adrenaline and hairs rise when paths cross. Past pain simply outweighs being polite. My happy cart left completely tipped. Hoping I'm not alone here.  Justifying avoidance by not wanting to 'cast my pearls before swine'... however, we're also to 'forgive 70 times 7'. So which is it? Today, I realized that one does not negate the other. No need to blindly offer the best of me to the few that would manipulate and mangle while awaiting an apology never delivered.  Forgiving them for hurtful words and actions, instead. Forgiving doesn't mean I have to maintain toxic relationships...it just means not letting it consume me.  Forgiveness means I'm letting someone higher than me judge actions.  Forgiving also doesn't mean approving of actions.  Pain won't be forgotten, but won't define me. Working on releasing that gut-punch reaction at sight, choosing instead to send positive vibes their way. My own kind of happy sabotage. So liberating and somewhat sneaky.

This idea of forgiveness seems easier said than done, the most difficult part will be executing daily. Not a one and done deal, thinking this will require daily action.  Repetitive mind over matter. Another exercise in renewing the mind...replacing negative with positive, sending love versus indifference. Retraining the brain. Each day is presenting new challenges, new insight. Certainly way off from perfect, yet ever evolving. Attempting to forgive so I can fully love.