Built for This

She’s been built for this moment.  Shifting into neutral, hugging the wall until she spoke directions…hang the clothing, open this box, fold the towels, letting her take the lead.  She stepped right into the position as if it were custom built for her. It was.  She came into this world an old soul… twenty years old on day one. So my soul was at peace amidst the drastic change.  It was, however, the little things that made me crumble.  All moved in, the college conveniently organized back to back freshmen events, leaving parents to explore and wander separate from their babes, ripping the band-aid off quickly.  

Away from her, I cried. Failed attempt after attempt to craft the perfect sloppy top bun left me looking and feeling lop-sided.  She always artfully twisted my hair in seemingly the simplest ways. Her favorite songs playing in the hotel lobby…who will keep me current with the freshest tunes? Feeling quite selfish, shifting instead to the growth and memories she has already begun to experience.

This must be what true love is all about…loving someone so much that it breaks your fragile heart to part, but realizing they are so much better for the distance all the same. 

A peaceful separation, no gushes of tears, no dramatic scenes… just singular awareness: no longer a need to leave the light on, an empty bedroom, one less head to count at bedtime.  Go and grow, sweet girl.

Six Months

I’ve got Six short months.

Just yesterday we had that long distance comfort between birth and college.  Now it’s a mere Six months away.  Six months of action, memories, sweet words, learning, wisdom.  She came into this world like a calm 20 year old…like she’s always meant to be here, bound to make great change, wiser than this world.  She’ll manage all matter of big and tiny details just perfectly on her own…the best kind of learning often is hands on.  My main focus has always been to make sure she’s comfortable in her own skin.  That she knows who and whose she is.  That she carries a confidence that is unshaken by this untethered world, a lesson that never ends.

I’ve been failing on my job recently…a bit distracted, wastefully busy.  All good intentions, but the priority is misaligned.  She should have always been closer to the top…but she quietly takes care so well, I took her for granted.  Not wanting to workout with her because I’m a morning gal…selfish.  Headphones in and YouTube stares…isolated.  Reclining after dinner…unhealthy.  For a mere six months, she still needs me. Headphones are being tucked away, screens are being limited, feet and minds are moving.   Six months of filling her confidence bucket to overflowing.  Six months of endless love and listening.  I’ve got Six months.