Answered Prayers

This week, my nose has been buried in a book titled 'A Better Way to Pray' I snagged recently in efforts to better understand prayer, it's power, and how I can begin to fathom this mysterious and supernatural gift that we're all equipped with...feeling like I have a lightsaber but I use it like a can opener.

As the chapters progressed, however, I was feeling convicted with regard to Mom's illness...if I had just prayed more precisely, if I had commanded the Cancer to leave, if I had more faith. But, like a good father, he answered my sad heart in such a tender way...he offered me a flashback:

When Mom became very ill well after a 15 year battle, well after all of her immediate family had already passed, well after years of injections, biopsies, toxins, and a bevy of symptoms. I spoke to God for healing and clearly heard, “hasn't she suffered enough?”. This world isn't Heaven but she surely made the best of what she was given. I shifted my prayers quickly to remove pain...please Lord, don't let her suffer. Please Lord, let her go without fear. Please Lord, don't let her feel pain.  In that moment, I realized my prayers were clearly and lovingly answered. She left quietly, without fear, and without pain. I'm thankful for that. It wasn't that He couldn't rid her of her Cancer, it wasn't that I didn't pray correctly or didn't have enough faith. It wasn't that my Mom didn't have enough faith....God answered that she was ready to go home and gently ushered her upward. He answered both of our prayers at once.

This tingling return of old-Lisa has brought guilt, too...guilt that I am forgetting Mom, worry that I'm forgetting to live like her and letting her death mean nothing. How silly I am... how quickly I return to sorrow and ashes when I should be remembering how faithful He was over her....over me. I am one lucky girl to have had the honor of speaking to her of her beautiful abode in Heaven...that she'd soon see him face to face....that she'll finally be rewarded for all the unappreciated things she did. How silly I am. The returning to Me doesn't have to mean forgetting Mom and all the lessons I learned thru her passing. Those lessons are bone deep...thankful for the gentle reminder this week of how faithful He was and continues to be. I'll keep praying and trying to learn how to better use my lightsaber.

The Good Ones

Another tender soul has succumb to Cancer. Last week, a young mother of two took her final breath after a long battle with the beast. She had an infectious smile, one that would travel up her cheeks and settle into her eyes with a twinkle. Wishing for more time, I had only two short evenings with her. But that's all you needed to love her so.

It stirs up too familiar feelings...why does Cancer seem to feast on the bright lights of this world? More generic, why do bad things happen to good people? It seems the truly evil, and even mildly naughty often manage a clear bill. I know a few people that would deserve such justice. But thankfully, I'm not sovereign, I don't make the rules. Perhaps the good ones have learned life's lesson early and no longer need to suffer here. Their reward awaits on the other side. Mean while, the rest of us need more training. What if this world is simply training grounds for something better? What if this place we call home is simply a pit-stop? Plucked from it like a carnival claw game if you've managed to live a righteous life despite your circumstances? Overcome with sadness among those  left behind, but ultimately we're moving thru our own test?

Not sure why good people suffer while the naughty thrive. All I know is that this place we live is certainly not Heaven. Terrible injustice and evil intermingles with the sweet and pure at every moment. A wicked dance. A terrible struggle. Sadness, mourning, loss, depression, suicide, abuse, gossip, stress, illness. Joy, love, laughter, beauty, peace, charity, support, kindness, trust, compassion, grace. All living

together..yin and yang. I suppose the trick is to look at this life we're given in the positive ....darkness is inevitable, but choose light. Death is unavoidable, but remember their life. Hate is an option, but choose love.

She, like so many others I know, lived a life of love. There was struggle and sadness, but the common thread is that they focused on the positive...as thin as it appeared at times. More of us should lift our eyes to that goal...stretching and reaching for the positive in this desperate world. Linda, Bill, Carol, Kim, Tom, Gerald...I want to live like that.